


Re-imagined Scenes

by neuewayve



Series: Re-imaginings [1]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-10-05 02:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 31,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10295810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neuewayve/pseuds/neuewayve
Summary: Bernie and Serena have always been together. This is a re-imagining of their scenes.





	1. Serenity

As Serena entered the hospital to start her shift she was greeted by Guy and Raf waiting for an incoming patient. She continues on her way to the ward as they make their way outside and discuss the patient.  
“So, what do we know?” Guy asks Raf  
“Well she must be relatively stable to have been brought here, so I don’t think I’ll be needed. We know she has an unstable C5 C6 neck fracture, BP slightly dropped en route, mildly tachycardic with ecg changes.”  
With that, an army ambulance rounds the corner and pulls up outside the hospital. As Major Berenice Wolfe is brought out the back strapped to a stretcher, Raf introduces the team. “Welcome to Holby, Major. This is Mr Self, Neurological Consultant and this is Mr Valentine, Cardiothoracic Registrar.”  
“Right well, let’s get you up to Darwin” Guy says as he turns to the porters and they make their way into the hospital.

 

As Raf is heading back to AAU he is met by Serena and a team of nurses wheeling an emergency through to theatre.  
“Ah Raf, good to have you back with us, Guy didn’t require your services then?” Serena asks with a raised eyebrow.  
“No, he and Mr Valentine have it covered, the Major was in a stable condition so I’m all yours Serena.” Raf quipped.  
Serena was intrigued “The Major?”  
“Yes an army medic, she was flown in from Afghanistan this morning" Raf paused slightly as he recalled the woman's name "a Major Wolfe I think. The vehicle she was travelling in hit a roadside IED…”  
Serena doesn’t hear anything after that; she starts to turn and make her way to the scrub room, firing questions at Raf “Can you take over here? Where is she?”  
Raf answers hesitantly, slightly confused by Serena’s reaction “She’s up on Darwin…is everything alright Serena?” And with that Serena was out the door.

 

Serena enters the side room on Darwin to see her wife flat out on the hospital bed unable to move, she walks up to her and takes her hand “Bernie”  
Bernie gives Serena a warm smile “I came home early, surprise”  
“Look at you”  
“I’m alright”  
“No you’re not. You couldn’t have waited the four weeks left on your contract?” Serena gently jokes.  
“They’ve offered me a full commission, 10 more years” Bernie announces.  
“And you told them no” Serena thinks of course she would say no, she is searching her wife's eyes for the answer as Bernie looks away and Serena lets go of Bernie’s hand “Bernie?”  
Bernie sighs, silence fills the room and is eventually broken by Zosia walking in “Oh sorry Ms Mckinnie, I didn’t realise you were involved with this case”  
“I’m not” Serena replies perhaps a little too sharply.  
Zosia replies hesitantly “Right well theatre’s ready for you now, we’ll get that wedding ring taped up”  
“No it’s fine” Bernie says turning her gaze to Serena and handing her the ring “Keep hold of it for me?” Serena’s eyes lock on to Bernie’s as they grasp hands, neither one wanting to let go until Zosia breaks the moment to inform them they need to get to theatre.  
Serena is left standing there as her wife, the woman she loves is wheeled away. 

 

Bernie has just come around from the surgery when Zosia enters the room “Ms McKinnie, er Serena is waiting to see you, shall I send her in?”  
Bernie replies with a small smile “Yes of course”  
Zosia heads out of the room beckoning Serena over; she reaches out and touches her arm with a smile as she passes. Serena walks straight to Bernie and plants a kiss on her forehead, looking her deep in the eyes as she pulls back and quietly says “I love you so much”  
“I love you too” Bernie says smiling before Serena leans in and gently presses her lips to Bernie’s.  
“I came so close to losing you today, I can’t go through this again Bernie” Serena says as her eyes are filling with tears.  
Bernie takes Serena’s hand as she says “You don’t have to. I’ll call my commanding officer”  
Serena lets out a breath and smiles as she leans in to kiss the woman she loves.


	2. All Fall Down

It’s been a couple of weeks since Bernie’s surgery and she is recovering well at home. Serena meanwhile is at work in her office busy catching up on paperwork. She hears footsteps approaching and then comes a voice “I hear we had a VIP patient the other week” Serena looks up from her paperwork to see Ric standing in the doorway; she gives him a small smile. “How’s she doing?” He asks as he makes his way to sit at the desk opposite Serena.  
“She’s recovering well; she's always been a quick healer” Serena says before adding “Although I think she’s starting to get itchy feet, I just hope she doesn’t change her mind and go back to the army”  
Ric questions “She’s decided to leave the army?” Serena gives a warm smile and nods as he continues. “Does she have any plans now that she’s a civilian?”  
Serena shakes her head “We haven’t discussed anything, we’ve just been taking each day as it comes, focusing on getting her back fighting fit”  
“Well we’re always looking for talented surgeons here at Holby, Serena; you know Keller is a surgeon down”  
“Hmm, not sure Keller is really my wife’s speed” Serena says unsurely “But I’ll be sure to discuss it with her”

 

As Bernie was pulling into the hospital car park she spotted her wife standing with a younger woman shouting and gesticulating at her smoking car. She pulls into a space, gets out of her car and heads over towards the women saying “I thought you’d be halfway to Cambridge by now”  
Serena turns round to see Bernie coming towards her; she breathes out a small smile and replies “So did I. I just come in to pick up a pair of shoes and I would be long gone if it weren’t for my stupid car”  
Immediately Bernie offers “Take mine; we can’t have you missing our daughter’s acting debut as well as me”  
“Now you know I’m not a fan of limbo” Serena says looking over to Bernie’s very low sporty car.  
“No you prefer vertical poles to horizontal ones” Bernie replied with a cheeky smile as Serena turns back to her, tilting her head to the side and giving her wife a look. Morven gave an uncomfortable smile as she meets Bernie’s gaze. Seeing this exchange Serena thought she’d better introduce the pair “Sorry, Morven this is Bernie Wolfe, my wife and new locum GS consultant on Keller” They both give a small nod and smile.  
Turning back to Serena, Bernie offers “Well if you won’t take my car at least let me to take a look at it?”  
“Bernie, it’s your first day in a new job, you can’t walk on to Keller late and covered in oil, it’ll be fine, I’m going to call a mechanic.” Serena says giving Bernie a thankful smile  
“Okay, well I’d better be going, good luck” Bernie says dipping her head, motioning toward the car engine; she lovingly squeezes her wife’s hand as she walks past her. Lost in the moment Serena suddenly turns to say “Good luck to you too” Hearing that Bernie looks over her shoulder and gives Serena a quick smile as she disappears into the hospital to start her first shift.

 

Bernie is walking out of the hospital typing a message to her wife, she stops typing and looks up as she hears Serena shouting down her phone “Which part of I need my car today are you struggling to understand? Hello?”  
Bernie puts the phone in her pocket and calls across to her wife “Still here?” Serena looks round as she’s moving the phone from her ear to see Bernie walking towards her “No luck with a mechanic then?”  
“No” Serena flatly replies “I hope your days going better than mine”  
“Ah, well…Naylor hates me and Hanssen doesn’t think I belong here because I went into army major mode in theatre” Serena looks questioningly at Bernie “I er, performed an atriocaval shunt.” Bernie says shyly.  
“Hmm on your first day, impressive” Serena says jokingly with a raised eyebrow. She was trying to cheer Bernie up but by the look on her face failed, so instead she tries to reason with her. “Firstly Naylor hates everyone, secondly it’s only your first day, no one’s a perfect fit on their first day and thirdly” Serena pauses before asking “the patient…?”  
Bernie replies relaxing slightly “Survived”  
Serena looks into her wife’s eyes and smiles reassuringly, letting her know it will all be okay, that she’s got her back.


	3. On the Ropes

Bernie pulls into Serena’s parking space, switches off the engine and glances over to the brunette in the passenger seat. Their shifts were starting at the same time so Bernie offered to drive them in.  
Serena was thinking back to the events of the previous night as she feels Bernie’s gaze on her. They both shifted in their seats to face each other, Bernie could see the fire of love in her wife’s eyes “What are you thinking?” she asks.  
“Oh I was just thinking about last night” Serena replies with a devilish smile.  
Last night had been the first night they fully let themselves go and had given into their desire for one another. They had been taking it easy since Bernie’s lifesaving surgery; Serena didn’t want to take any chances or to hinder her recovery in anyway.  
“Mmm, yeah that cold biryani” Bernie says teasingly, knowing full well her wife’s mind wasn’t on the food.  
“Well, what could be more romantic?” Serena questions drily.  
“Dinner, tonight, and then…perhaps a repeat of last night” Bernie suggests with a wicked look in her eye.  
At hearing this Serena leans in to kiss her wife, their lips touch and as Serena starts to deepen the kiss Bernie pulls back, pointedly looking around “Someone might see”  
Serena responds with wanting eyes “I don’t care” Before Bernie can say anything else Serena’s lips are back on hers, their hands grasping at each other.  
Just at that moment Raf and Cara are walking towards the hospital past Serena’s car, they see their boss soundly kissing her wife “Oh…It’s a bit early for that isn’t it?” Raf states and Cara replies with a laugh “I am seriously impressed” 

 

Serena walks onto the ward to see her staff huddled around the nurse’s station. “You mean like proper snogging?” Fletch asks with a huge grin.  
“I thought we were going to have to get a bucket of cold water to cool them off” Raf replies before Cara alerts them of Serena’s presence with a nod of the head.  
“Oh please don’t stop on my account” They turn around looking sheepish, ready to be reprimanded.  
After a second Serena takes a sharp breath in and begins “Okay, a word if I may. Just because I’m ever so slightly over fifty, does not mean I’m dead from the waist down. I’m enjoying having my wife back and in one piece, that’s not a crime is it?” She pauses before turning to walk away saying “Right I’ll be in my office once you’ve picked your jaws up from the floor”

 

Bernie gets a free couple of minutes in what has turned out to be a hectic day on Keller to text Serena and check they’re still on for dinner. She gets an immediate reply “ _Absolutely, I’m looking forward to it x_ ”  
Bernie quickly responds before returning to the ward “ _Good, me too. Having the worst day_ ”  
Shortly after the text conversation Jason turns up on AAU informing Serena he will be staying with her because Alan’s ill. She tried to put him off telling him she had plans, but he was set on staying with her; there was nothing she could do. She tried calling Bernie to let her know but there was no answer.

 

Serena and Fletch are walking across the ward after finishing with a patient when she sees Bernie come through the doors onto AAU. She quickly ducks into a cubicle and whips the curtain round the two of them, much to Fletch’s surprise and confusion. “She didn’t ring back; I haven’t had a chance to explain”  
Bernie caught sight of Serena just as they disappear behind the curtain; she walks over wondering what her wife was up to and, pulling back the curtain, asks “What’s this? Hide and Seek?”  
Serena and Fletch stand there like deer caught in headlights; they just look at each other unable to find the words to explain. Bernie looks between the two of them waiting for a response, but after a moment she realises she’s not getting one and begins “Right, well…I thought we could have a quick drink before dinner, I could definitely do with one”  
Serena replies slowly “Yeah about that”  
Fletch excuses himself as Bernie asks “Argh, you don’t have to work do you?” She knew something was going on.  
“No, no it’s not that, erm but…somebody might be joining us” Serena replies motioning towards Jason. She worries how Bernie will react to this. She knows she’s had a tough day and was looking forward to their romantic dinner and what was to follow.  
Bernie looks to where Jason is standing then back to Serena “Fish and chips in front of the telly?” she offers with a smile as she realises a busy restaurant would perhaps be too much for Jason. She knows that Jason is becoming a part of their lives and their family and she wants to get to know him better.  
Serena lets out a breath and gives Bernie a loving smile as she relaxes her shoulders slightly “Sounds perfect” 

 

Luckily they had come to work in Serena’s car so there was room for Jason to squeeze in the back. Serena had said she would get in the back but as Jason pointed out, she would need to get out and get the fish and chips.  
They pull up outside the chip shop and Serena takes off her seatbelt “Fish and chips all round?” she asks before getting out of the car and heading into the chip shop.  
Bernie turns in her seat to talk to Jason “So how was your day Jason?” he tells Bernie about his new friend “She let me draw her, she’s an artist and I’m going to have drawing lessons with her every Friday”  
“That’s great Jason” The pair are busy chatting when Serena gets back in the car. She smiles to herself seeing her wife and nephew getting on so well.

 

They arrive home and Bernie and Serena make their way into the kitchen, telling Jason to make himself comfortable in the living room and find something he wanted to watch.  
Serena was sorting out the food and Bernie the drinks “Shiraz?”  
Serena tilted her head with a look that says do you really need to ask “Of course” She pours out two glasses and moves over to Serena handing her a glass “Thank you for this”  
“That’s okay” Bernie says thinking she means the wine.  
“No I mean all of this; Jason, the fish and chips” Serena says sincerely.  
“You paid Serena” she jokingly says as Serena quirks an eyebrow unimpressed by Bernie’s joking.  
“I’m serious, thank you” Serena moves in for a quick kiss but Bernie has other ideas as she pulls her wife in closer so their bodies are pressed against each other. Serena breaks the kiss “We’d better take this through or Jason will wonder where we got to”  
They take everything through to the living room and settle down on the sofa together. As they’re sipping their wine Jason states “You do realise alcohol reduces your brain cells” he continues to list different effects alcohol has on the body.  
When he’s finished Serena quips “Well it’s a wonder I’m still here”  
Bernie turns and smiles at her wife, lifting her glass she says “I’ll raise a glass to that; and…to family” Serena and Jason both raise their glasses and join in the toast “To family”


	4. Where We Belong

Bernie’s walking into the hospital, heading to the lift when she sees her wife at the counter in pulses. She walks over to her as she hears her order “Double shot latte quick as you can please”  
Serena turns her head to see Bernie standing next to her. “Oh hello you, what are you having?”  
Bernie looks up at the menu board puzzled “Do you remember when coffee was just coffee?”  
Serena gently laughs then says “Strong and hot’s all I care about on a day like today”  
Bernie turns her head raising her eyebrows “Aye aye”  
“I’ve got RTCs and broken bones coming out of my ears, what I wouldn’t give for a couple of calm shifts on Keller” turning to the blonde she asks ”I don’t suppose you fancy swapping”  
“Ah well, that depends” Bernie turns her head meeting Serena’s gaze as she continues with a cheeky smile “What _would_ you give?”  
Serena smiles back letting out a small breath when the barista hands her over the coffee “Oh thanks, right I must dash and you didn’t see me” She strokes her free hand down her wife’s arm giving her bicep a gentle squeeze. Before Bernie can say anything the brunette has disappeared in to the lift.

 

Serena walks out of the hospital holding a coffee to find her wife sitting quietly on the bench, taking the lid of the cup she says “Busted again” Bernie doesn’t say anything, just gives her a forlorn smile.  
“I’m guessing you’re having one of those days too?” Serena asks as she sits down next to the blonde.  
Bernie lets out a humourless laugh “I did it again”  
Serena turns her head furrowing her brow “Did what?”  
“Went into Sergeant Major mode” she replies, letting out a sigh "Ric was drafted in last minute to give a lecture in Sheffield so…I filled the breach” She explains about her run in with patient and the official complaint made against her “My bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired”  
Serena teases “Well I for one think you have an _excellent_ bedside manner”  
With a small laugh she replies “Can you tell Hanssen that?” before flatly saying “He really doesn’t want me here”  
“Do you want me to have a word with him? Smooth things over” Serena offers seriously as she places her hand on Bernie’s knee.  
“No…thank you” Bernie takes in a breath “I have to fight my own battles; I need to prove I belong here. I have to make a go of it”  
They share a look and Serena moves her hand from her wife’s knee when Sacha comes running over to them “Sorry to interrupt, er you’re wanted back on the ward, Janet Wallace is refusing treatment”  
Bernie glances back to Serena with a look that says _here we go again._ She gives her forearm a squeeze as she quickly stands and rushes back into the hospital. Serena is left sitting there hoping her wife will be okay.

 

Serena received a text from Bernie _"Team bonding at Albie’s with the Keller team. See you there?"_  
She replies almost instantly _"Yeah, I’m nearly finished here x"_ Serena smiles to herself as she thinks her wife’s day must have improved.  
The Keller team are gathered round the bar finishing up their drinks when Bernie says “Right my round” Just at that moment Serena strolls up to the bar “Mind if I join in?” To which the blonde replies jovially “We’re not drinking coffee”  
“Heh, you know what I like Major” Serena states tilting her head.  
Bernie quips back “I do, but what would you like to drink?”  
As Dom and Arthur seem a little confused by the deputy CEO’s flirting with the blonde, Bernie says to the barman “Doubles all round” Serena gives her a look and, Bernie knowing her wife, quickly adds “and a large glass of shiraz for my wife, please”  
The two younger doctors look at each other with confusion before Dom returns his gaze to Bernie and asks “Wife?”  
Serena interjects “Yes Dr Copeland, Ms Wolfe here is my wife”  
Arthur asks with a questioning look “How did we not know that? Does everyone know?”  
Sacha shrugs and nods as Dom realises he’s totally out of the loop “I need to brush up on my gossip”

 

Serena and Bernie decide to break away from the group and are sat quietly together on the sofa “So, your day got better then?” Serena enquires.  
“Yeah thanks to you” Bernie replies.  
Bernie smiles as her wife offers “Well, next time you need a caffeine shot and a chat just call me”  
“You might regret saying that” Serena looks questioningly at her wife “I went to see Hanssen after my shift, I told him I want to stay…and not just as a locum. So if he decides to keep me on, you’ll be stuck with me at work as well as home”  
“Oh I think I can cope with that, it’s not like we’re on the same ward” Serena teases before saying sincerely “I’m proud of you…for making a go of it here. I know it hasn’t been easy for you adjusting to civilian life. You must miss the army”  
Bernie replies “Yeah sometimes, but there was one thing missing in the army” Serena looks up to meet her wife’s gaze as Bernie simply says “You, Serena” The brunette lets out a gentle sigh and smiles at this. They sit there for a moment holding each other’s gaze before Bernie adds “Oh and our 600 thread Egyptian cotton sheets”


	5. Dark Night of the Soul

After working a nightshift Bernie’s coming out of the lift with Dom and Essie trailing behind. Bernie spots Ric and invites him to join them for breakfast. Dom, imitating a boxer’s moves, heads over to him “There he is…Rocky Griffin.”  
Serena is just coming through the hospital entrance when she hears Dom say to Ric “You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to see that man get punched in the face”  
Approaching the group she enquires “Who got punched?”  
“It was an accident” Ric sternly states before Dom spins around to Serena “Oh Ms McKinnie it was amazing, you should’ve seen it”  
Ric explains “It was a patient’s birthday; we had a little celebratory drink with him and this lot persuaded me to show them some of my moves”  
Bernie laughs “You didn’t need much persuading”  
“Ah, so that’s why you didn’t come home last night, and there was me thinking you were hard at work” Serena says to her wife in a mock serious tone.  
An awkward silence falls on the group; Bernie clears her throat looking down at her shoes stifling a smile. Ric jumps in “Right we’d better get going if we’re having breakfast” They make for the door and bid their goodbyes to Serena.  
Bernie stays back calling to the group “Er, I’ll catch you guys up” She turns back to Serena “We had an emergency come in towards the end of shift, so I stuck around. Sorry”  
“It’s okay” Serena smiles “I’m glad to see you’re getting on with your colleagues”  
“Ah well, that’s only after I had another run in with Ric” Bernie says as Serena gives her a puzzled look “I’ll tell you about it later, I’d better let you get to work” She reaches out and gives her wife’s hand a squeeze before making a move to the doors.  
Serena turns to head towards AAU when Bernie glances back and says “I will tell you this, it involves a fractured penis”  
Serena stops in her tracks “Riiight” she’s even more puzzled now. “Will I see you tonight? You’re not working are you?”  
“Nope, I’m all yours tonight” Bernie replies with a bright smile.  
Bernie heads out of the hospital and catches up to the rest of the group who are waiting outside. As they make their way across the car park Dom quips “So now we know who wears the trousers in your relationship” which earns him a playful shove.


	6. Prioritise the Heart

Serena rounds the corner and pulls into her parking space. She’s getting out of the driver’s seat as Bernie climbs out of the passenger side talking on her phone “I don’t know where your shoes are and the milk’s in the shop”  
She hangs the phone up to Serena asking “Which one of our _delightful_ children was that?”  
“Cameron, I swear he’s 25 going on 4” Bernie replies and Serena lets out a laugh as they make their way into the hospital  
It was the Easter break so the three McKinnie-Wolfe children had returned home from their respective universities “Admit it, you’re enjoying being back in the family fold”  
Bernie replies "Yes, maddening as our children are, it has been great getting to know them again”

 

Serena is approaching ITU, she can see Dom, Bernie and another doctor stood in uncomfortable silence monitoring a patient, she can feel the tension as she enters the room and addresses Dom “Ah Dr Copeland, you’re needed back on the ward”  
Dom could hardly contain his relief at being excused from the tense situation as he thanks Serena and turns to the other woman to say “It was nice to meet you, Captain” before leaving.  
Serena looks questioningly toward the young brunette and asks “Captain?”  
“Yes, Royal Army Medical Corps”  
“So you two know each other?” Serena asks, looking to Bernie who is looking anywhere but at the other two women in the room.  
Noticing Bernie’s reluctance to answer, the younger brunette jumps in “We were attached to the same unit. In fact we were blown up by the same IED. I dragged Ms Wolfe to safety and…probably saved her life”  
“Ah so I have you to thank” Serena smiles and decides to introduce herself as she realises she doesn’t know the name of the woman that saved her wife. She holds out a hand to the woman “Serena McKinnie, deputy CEO”  
“Alex Dawson, locum anaesthetist” As Alex introduces herself, Serena’s mind wanders back to the time Bernie was on leave and, not wanting to have any secrets from her wife, told her about a fellow soldier that had tried to kiss her _“This is her”_ Serena thinks.  
“Alex” she repeats before saying with a forced smile “A pleasure to meet you. Right well I’d best get on” and with that she’s hurriedly making her way for the door.  
She hears Bernie call after her “Serena” She catches up to her in the corridor “Serena?” Bernie says again in a softer, concerned tone.  
She turns to look at Bernie and as their eyes meet she knows she has nothing to worry about. She shouldn’t have run out of the room. “I’m sorry Bernie I just wasn’t expecting…” She trails off as Bernie strokes down her forearm and gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.  
They’re standing there looking deep into each other’s eyes when the moment is broken by the sound of beeping followed by Alex calling out from the doorway “BP’s falling, he’s tachycardiac”  
Bernie runs back down the corridor leaving Serena standing there with her thoughts. Of course she trusts her wife whole heartedly but she can’t help wonder what Alex was doing here.

 

They had lost the patient and Bernie was taking a few minutes to gather her thoughts in the locker room when Alex walks in _“This is the last thing I need right now”_ she thinks to herself as Alex comes and sits next to her. They are sat side by side both looking out into the room.  
Bernie asks tersely “What are you doing here?”  
Alex replies “Making sure you’re okay, it’s never easy when you lose a...”  
Bernie’s not in the mood for playing games “You know what I mean, what are you doing here at Holby?”  
Alex lets out a small breath as she turns on the bench to look at Bernie “I missed you, I needed to see you” She reaches out to Bernie’s cheek and gently pulls her face round to meet her gaze. Before Bernie can pull away Alex is pressing their lips together.  
Bernie snaps back, moving to stand “No! Alex you’re a colleague, a friend. I’ve already told you I’m happily married” As Bernie turns to look back at Alex she sees Dr Copeland passing the doorway _“he must have seen the kiss”_ she thinks as she runs out of the room after him.  
“Dr Copeland, it’s not what it looked like” she explains.  
Dom replies “It’s none of my business”  
She tries again to explain “No, you don’t understand”  
Dom cuts her off feeling he doesn’t need to hear her excuses “As far as I’m concerned, your private life is your own Ms Wolfe” and with that he walks past her and out of the door.

 

Bernie knew she had to find Serena and tell her what had happened before the news made its way onto the infamous NHS rumour mill. She had just walked through the doors onto AAU when she was met by Fletch “Alright Major? What do we owe this pleasure?” he asked cheerfully.  
She gave a small smile as she asked “Is Serena around?”  
“Ah, there was a bit of a situation with Jason, so she’s had to pop out” As Fletch answers he sees Bernie’s eyes desperately searching round the ward “Is everything alright?” He notices she seems rather on edge and deep in her thoughts so offers “I’ll let her know you were looking for her”  
She thanks him as she turns heading toward the doors. 

 

Serena arrives back onto AAU; making her way to her office she asks Fletch “Everything under control?”  
Fletch replies “Not exactly, Bernie was looking for you, she seemed…” he trails off as he sees Bernie coming through the doors onto the ward “Ah here she is”  
Bernie is walking towards the office motioning for Serena to join her “Can we talk?” Serena looks concerned as they enter the office and close the door. Bernie doesn’t know where to start, she opens her mouth a few times but no words come out.  
“Bernie. You’re worrying me now” Serena says.  
Bernie explains what had happened with the patient and Alex before beginning to tell her about the kiss. She starts hesitantly not sure how Serena would react “She...she kissed me, well that is she tried to” Before Serena can say anything and with a deep breath out Bernie quickly says “I’m so sorry Serena”  
Serena could see she was beating herself up about this and to comfort her says sincerely “Oh Bernie, it’s not your fault” then with a cheeky smile and in the hope of lightening the mood, she adds “you’re irresistible” 

 

It was the end of the day and they’re walking out of the hospital in comfortable silence as Bernie asks “So how’s Jason? Fletch said there was a situation”  
“Ah. Yes. I need to talk to you about that” Serena carefully says as they’re nearing the car. Bernie looks at her questioningly before getting into the car.  
Once they’re sat inside Serena continues “Er, I asked Jason to move in” Bernie looks to her wife, but before she can say anything Serena says “Oh Bernie if you’d seen his room and the life that he…” she trails of as Bernie interjects “It’s fine”  
Serena looks at Bernie asking “Really?”  
“Well obviously I would have preferred you to discuss it with me first” Bernie says as Serena gives an apologetic smile saying “I know, I’m sorry”  
Bernie continues “But he’s a vulnerable young man who doesn’t have anyone else and…” Bernie pauses turning to look at her wife in the passenger seat. ”He’s our nephew”  
Serena smiles at this as Bernie starts the car “Now, I believe the kid's are out tonight, let's get you home and enjoy the peace while we can” she says with a suggestive look. Serena raises an eyebrow giving Bernie a cheeky smile as they drive off.


	7. It Tolls For Thee

It’s the end of a long day at Holby, Bernie is stood at her car routing around in her bag to find the keys.  
As Serena walks out of the hospital chatting to Jason on the phone, she sees her wife stood at her car. She makes her way across the car park towards her “Okay Jason I’ll see you in a bit” she says as she reaches the blonde and hangs up the phone.  
Bernie is surprised when she hears Serena approaching and looks up from her bag “I thought you’d already gone, your car's not in your spot”  
“What!?” she quickly says as she snaps her head round to see her car isn’t there “Oh for crying out loud!”  
The couple walk over to Serena’s parking space to see broken glass on the ground “Uh, it must’ve been stolen" She starts to panic about everything she needs to do "I’ll have to the call the police, oh and the insurance…”  
Bernie interrupts her to calmly say “Okay well, let’s just get you home and then you can make whatever calls you need to” She can always rely on her wife to remain calm in a crisis. 

 

Bernie was sat at the kitchen table with Serena as she called the police to report her car stolen. She hangs up the phone and says sarcastically “Well they were helpful" Before adding earnestly "They don’t want to know” She lets out a sigh as she looks at the time “I’ll have to call the insurance company in the morning, they’ll be closed now.”  
Bernie reassuringly says “You’ve done all you can for now, let’s go in the living room and relax. Jason wants us to watch Mary Beard with him”  
“I can’t, I’ve got a mountain of paperwork to get through tonight” Serena says regretfully “You go or he’ll get in a strop if neither of us watch it with him”  
Bernie makes her way into the living room to join Jason just in time for the start of his programme.  
An hour later the programme had finished and Jason had gone up to bed, leaving Bernie dozing on the sofa. When she woke she saw it was late and went through to the kitchen to see Serena still hard at it. Bernie moved over to stand behind her, resting her hands on her shoulders “I’m heading up, you coming?”  
“Hmm yeah, I’m nearly done here” Serena replies as Bernie leans down to plant a kiss on her cheek. Serena turns to catch the blonde’s gaze, adding “I won’t be long” before capturing her lips in a gentle kiss.

 

When Serena had finally made it to the hospital, she was in dire need of a caffeine shot. She was sat drinking a latte when her pager went off, she was being summoned to Hanssen’s office.  
After a brief meeting with Hanssen, she was back on track and just making her way to AAU, when a voice from behind called “Get everything sorted this morning?”  
She turns to see her wife approaching, files in hand “Uh insurance company were useless, I’m drowning in paperwork and on top of that some brain dead troll decided to ruin my day”  
Bernie gives a questioning look and Serena goes on “I’ve just come from Hanssen’s office; he informed me we’ve sprung a leak, confidential files have appeared online and I have to get to the bottom of it. All this and I haven’t even been on the ward yet” She adds as she lets out a sigh.  
“Well I’ve got something to cheer you up” Bernie says brightly “You’re a surgeon down, so they sent for the cavalry” Serena turns to share a smile with her wife as they walk through the doors on to the ward.

 

Thanks to Fletch’s suggestion, Serena found the cause of the leak. It was her.  
She was on her way back from speaking to Hanssen about it when she ran into Bernie “How did it go with Hanssen?”  
“Suspended with immediate effect, pending an investigation” she told her wife regretfully.  
Bernie can see that Serena’s feeling down about the situation so she offers “Well Jason won’t be expecting you home yet so why don’t we go for a drink”  
“Hmm, thanks but I’d rather just go home” Serena says giving a small appreciative smile.  
“Okay, I clock off in ten then I’m all yours” Bernie heads off to get changed before calling back “I’ll meet you outside”  
Serena had been sat on the bench deep in thought when Bernie came and sat down beside her. She placed her hand over Serena’s before asking “Ready?” The brunette looked towards her wife and with a small nod began to rise.  
“It’s going to be okay Serena” Bernie could sense her wife’s worry at the situation and reassures her as they walk to the car hand in hand.


	8. Running Out

Bernie slowly opened her eyes to see her wife still soundly sleeping. She smiles to herself as she entwines her leg with Serena’s and starts to gently stroke her foot up and down the brunette's calf. Serena lets out a gentle hum as she stirs. She slowly opens her eyes to see her wife gazing at her with a soft smile. Bernie quietly greets her “Good morning”  
Serena softly replies “Mmm, yes it is” Bernie moves in closer to place a gentle kiss on the brunette’s lips.  
They lay there contentedly, foreheads touching for a few moments before Serena lets out a small sigh and says “It’s a shame we have to go to work”  
Bernie pulls back slightly to say “Ah but you’re the head of department, you don’t keep a time sheet”  
Pulling rank Serena says “Heh, no but you do, Ms Wolfe” Bernie pouts as Serena leans in and places a kiss on the blondes forehead before turning and getting out of bed. Bernie rolls over onto Serena’s side of the bed and groans in to her pillow. As Serena is heading to the en suite she calls back “Come on, onwards and upwards soldier”

 

Bernie had been covering AAU after Serena’s suspension; she was coming back today so the blonde headed straight for the office with the intention of tidying it before her wife’s return. She was just taking her coat off when she notices Fletch approaching “Morning Fletch”  
“Morning Major” he notices the untidy state of the office and questions “Isn’t the missus back today?”  
“Er, yeah” Bernie says slightly embarrassed as she glances round the room “I know, I need to sort this place out before she gets here”  
“Gonna have to wait I’m afraid” he says as he hands her a patient file “Cuthbert Bradley, 55. Trauma patient up from the ED” she chucks her coat up on the shelving unit before they leave the office and head across the ward to the patient, Fletch filling her in on the rest of the details en route.  
Bernie and Fletch are busy examining the patient when Serena walks on to the ward. Fletch calls across “Ah boss, you’re a sight for sore eyes” Bernie looked up to see her heading into the disaster zone that was her office.  
As soon as Bernie had finished with the patient she made her way over to join Serena. On entering the office she found the brunette had already started clearing her desk of empty coffee cups and assorted containers “So sorry, I was hoping to tidy up before you got in”  
Serena looks up from the bomb site of a desk, tilting her head to the side and shooting her wife a look. Bernie points out “You know housekeeping’s never been my strong point”  
To which Serena responds “Well I hope you kept my ward in better nick”  
“It’s a well-oiled machine, although it is busy so I thought I could stick around, help you out”  
“Hmm thank you” she says appreciatively before adding “But if you really want to help…you can clear this mess up”

 

It had been a hectic day on AAU; there was the on-going hacking investigation, complications with cases, as well as Jason calling every five minutes. Serena doesn’t know how she would’ve coped without Bernie’s help today.  
Bernie is stood at the nurse’s station updating a patient’s file when Serena calls her over to the lift. The doors to the lift open and she walks in, motioning for Bernie to follow, which she does whilst asking “Where are you taking me?”  
As the doors closed Serena replies “You’ll see”  
The blonde is intrigued but says nothing as they stand side by side travelling in the lift. When the doors open and Bernie sees which floor they’re on she starts to realise where they’re heading “Oh and here was me thinking you were taking me off somewhere to ravish me” As she’s finishing that thought, she turns her head to see Serena looking back at her, eyebrow raised and with a look that says _you wish._  
They arrive outside Hanssen’s office and Serena taps on the door. On hearing him say enter, Serena opens the door and motions for Bernie to go through first.  
As they enter Bernie looks between Serena and Hanssen asking “What’s this about?”  
“Your guess is as good as mine” Hanssen replies as he looks to Serena for an explanation.  
She starts tentatively “As you know Henrik, our nephew has come into our lives and, with his needs on top of my role as deputy CEO it’s been somewhat overwhelming. So I have a rather novel suggestion” She pauses slightly taking in a breath before continuing “As you also know we’re one big happy family on AAU, and I thought perhaps a two parent family would be beneficiary to the running of the ward. I would like to suggest Ms Wolfe co-lead AAU with me”  
Hanssen pauses for a moment taking in Serena’s suggestion before saying “I think Ms Wolfe’s unique talents would be well suited to AAU. Perhaps a trial period would be in order?” he turns his gaze to Bernie, who appears to be somewhat stunned “Your thoughts, Ms Wolfe?”  
“Er” Bernie is caught off guard, she’s still processing what Serena had just suggested, thinking what it would be like working closely with the woman she loves, whom she shares her life, what if it’s too much? Working and living together. She looks over to Serena standing to her left, patiently awaiting Bernie’s response. Seeing her warm, hopeful eyes she realises it will be okay and with a smile says “Yeah” she turns her attention back to Hanssen as she continues “Yes of course. I’m willing to give it a go”  
“Good, well if there’s nothing else ladies” he pauses as his gaze flicks between the couple, they both shake their heads “I shall bid you good night” he says as he dips his head and the couple make for the door.  
Bernie waited for Serena to close the door behind them before turning to her and asking “Are you sure? I mean I do have a tendency to go into Sergeant Major mode on people”  
With a nod of her head Serena responds firmly “I’m sure”  
They walk back to the lift in comfortable silence. When they step inside Bernie speaks “So…” Serena turns her head, eyebrows raised waiting for her wife to continue “I guess this means I don’t keep a time sheet now” she says as she turns to give her wife a suggestive smile.  
Shaking her head she says “I did not suggest you become my co-lead just so we can stay in bed longer in the mornings. We still have a job to do”  
Bernie lets out a small laugh saying “No I know” as she moves closer to Serena, placing her hands on her waist and pulling her in for a kiss “But we could if we wanted to…and it means you can’t pull rank and force me out of bed”  
The lift comes to a stop on the ground floor and they move apart. The doors open and as they make their way back on to the ward Bernie looks to her wife and adds with a cheeky smile “We are equals after all”


	9. The Sky Is Falling

It was nearing the end of the day, Bernie had checked on a patient and found Serena had left a file. She decided to return it to the office, it was also an excuse to check her wife was okay, she’d been distant all day and Bernie was worried.  
It had been a tough day for Serena; Arthur had taken a turn for the worse, and Jason had unexpectedly turned up on the ward. She was discovering more of Jason’s limitations the more she got to know him and she was finding it difficult to do what was best for him.  
Serena was sitting at her desk catching up on paperwork when Bernie entered and placed the file on her desk “Arthur’s notes, you left them in the side room”  
The brunette glances up from the desk to thank her before returning to the paperwork. Bernie’s unsure what to do; she senses Serena doesn’t feel like talking but Bernie hates seeing her wife upset.  
She decides to stay. She moves over to Serena to place a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle rub to let her know she was there for her if she wanted to talk. Serena smiled at this and brought her own hand up to meet Bernie’s.  
She looks up at the blonde and, letting out a small breath, says “I’m sorry” Bernie moves to lower herself on to a chair ready to listen as Serena continues “It’s just everything with Arthur, I didn’t realise how much it affected me” she lets out a sigh “Oh and Jason…”  
“Serena it’s okay, we’ll get through this together” she gives her wife a reassuring smile as they look into each other’s eyes “It’s been a long day, I’m going to get changed and take you home”  
She rises slowly from the chair with a pained expression on her face and slight groan; Serena asks “Bad back?”  
Bernie replies sheepishly “Er yeah, did it yesterday hefting the mattress, felt it go”  
“I told you to leave it ‘til I got home, I would’ve helped get Jason’s room ready. You had spinal surgery not long ago” she reminds her wife before offering “Sit down, let me take a look”  
With a smirk the blonde asks “Really?”  
Noticing the cheeky glint in her wife’s eyes Serena replies “Purely for medical purposes, Ms Wolfe”  
Bernie sits back down and Serena starts to work her way down the blondes back, checking over her spine. As she sits there she has to remind herself it’s medical and they’re at work, she can’t enjoy it.  
It was relatively easy not to enjoy it to start with as Serena was only examining her back, but when she finds the spot giving Bernie trouble she begins to massage the area and she needs to repeat the words in her head. Even after 27 years together her wife’s touch is still magical to her.  
Serena notices that Bernie is tensing “It would help if you relaxed a little”  
She mumbles out a reply, pausing slightly as she tries to find the right words to explain “Sorry…it’s just…difficult…here”  
Realising Bernie is trying to control herself Serena teasingly leans into her ear whispering “Perhaps if we continued this at home you’d be a bit more relaxed”  
Bernie tenses even more with her wife’s warm breath in her ear and the only reply she can form is “Mm hmm”  
Serena is enjoying being the one in control, seeing Bernie squirm; she moves her lips closer so they are almost touching Bernie’s ear as she continues seductively, drawing out her words “I prescribe a long…hot…steamy bath followed by a _deep_ tissue massage”  
Bernie’s eyes narrowed, “Oh, you’re enjoying this aren’t you?”  
“I don’t know what you mean” the brunette says feigning innocence. She gives Bernie’s shoulders a gentle squeeze and adds “Go on, go and get changed so we can get out of here”  
Bernie stands a little easier this time; as she goes to open the door she turns back to look at her wife and with a soft smile says “It’s good to see you smile”  
Serena holds Bernie’s gaze as she says “You always make me smile”


	10. Missing You Already

They had all been at Arthur’s funeral when a flurry of pagers went off alerting them to a major incident; all those that were on duty filed out of the church and into their cars to make their way back to the hospital.  
It was a nightmare, there were patients everywhere so Bernie offered to take charge and get organised like she would in the field. She knew it was a tough day for Serena with it being Arthur’s funeral, she wanted to help out and take the pressure off. Serena bowed to her wife’s greater experience of trauma situations “Okay let’s do it Kandahar style” she said before Bernie started barking out orders.

 

A young man that had been brought in was recovering from lifesaving surgery in the side room; his mother never left his side. Bernie is standing, watching the scene and how the mother is with her son when Serena joins her, breaking her from her thoughts. Bernie says quietly “I can’t imagine being like that with one of our children”  
When the McKinnie-Wolfe pack were younger they had been a close family, but as they got older and their parents progressed in their careers they grew further apart. It was tougher for Bernie, being away so much, missing out on their children growing up.  
Serena turns her gaze to Bernie and simply states “Neither of us are mum of the year material but we were both there for them when they needed us”  
“As much as the job would allow” the blonde regretfully points out. After a moment of thought, her eyes still locked on the side room, she adds despondently “But now I’m back…and I realise they don’t need me”  
“Well I’ll always need you” Serena reassures her as she places a hand on the blonde’s forearm, Bernie turns her gaze to her wife and gives a soft smile as Serena continues “And it’s evident from today this hospital needs you”  
Since seeing Bernie take control of a situation that could have easily swamped them it got Serena thinking. She leads Bernie to the office and explains her idea of a specialist trauma unit to her “Obviously I need to run it past Hanssen and he’ll have to put it to the board, but…you’d be happy to head it up?”  
“Er, yeah” Bernie is somewhat shocked at the proposal, it’s a big responsible and she hopes she can rise to the challenge “As long as you’re not expecting miracles” she adds drily. 

 

After the hectic day at the hospital they were finally able to get back to what the day should’ve been about, remembering Arthur.  
Bernie was rounding the corner lighting a cigarette when she found her wife looking out on to the garden and quietly reflecting on the events of the day. At the sound of footsteps approaching Serena glances round to see Bernie, cigarette between her lips “Ah you caught me” she gently jokes.  
Serena lets out a humourless laugh, she was meant to have quit, but it had been somewhat of a trying day. Before the brunette turned her gaze back to the garden Bernie noticed her forlorn expression “Serena?” She softly says as she makes her way closer to the brunette.  
Now standing beside her wife Bernie places an arm round her shoulder to comfort her. Serena had been holding it together all day, but this act of love and kindness broke down the wall.  
The tears started to fall as Bernie pulled her in closer to her side; Serena tilted her head to nestle into her wife’s neck, speaking through her tears she sobs out “I just can’t believe that Arthur’s dead, he was just a boy, not much older than our own son”  
Bernie places a kiss on the top of Serena’s head before resting her chin there, comforting her she says “It’s okay, I’ve got you”  
The couple stay standing there like that for a moment before Bernie pulls her head back to look down at Serena. She could stand there all day holding her wife, but she knows they need to join the others at the wake. Giving her a gentle squeeze she breaks the silence “Come on. I think we need a drink”  
Serena straightens up out of Bernie’s embrace wiping away the tears, letting out a breath, preparing herself to face her colleagues and to celebrate Arthur’s life.


	11. Indefensible

Bernie and Serena are returning onto the ward after saving a mother and baby that were involved in a serious RTC “You know, I think that might be the first time we’ve operated together” Bernie says looking over to Serena.  
“I think you’re right. We make a good team” Serena replies smiling as she meets her wife’s gaze.  
Bernie returns the smile and with a laugh says “Girl power”  
As they’re nearing the ward Fletch catches up to the couple and hands Bernie a patient file “Bays one and four, the driver and passenger involved in the RTC earlier”  
She looks over the file, her mood changes and she slows the pace. She comes to a stop as she takes in the information in her hands, Serena’s looking at her concerned “Everything okay?”  
Bernie quickly glances at her looking somewhat dazed before speeding over to bay one, leaving Serena in her wake.  
She grabs hold of the curtain and pulls it across to reveal a young man with facial injuries sitting on the edge of the bed; he looks up as the curtain is flung open to find the blonde surgeon standing in front of him “Cameron”  
He raises two fingers to his temple in a mock salute as he says “Madre” He then looks past her to where Serena is standing and gives her a slight nod and smile as he says “Mum”  
Bernie is stood there in disbelief. She had hardly seen or spoken to Cameron since his ignominious dropping out of medical school and the argument that ensued, culminating in Bernie stating “I didn’t raise a quitter” and Cam spitting back “You didn’t raise anything. You weren’t around”  
Serena makes her way over, coming to stand at her wife’s side; breaking the silent tension she calmly asks “Cam, what happened?”  
Sheepishly he motions to the woman across the ward as he explains “I was giving Keeley a lift after this orthopod’s party. There was a gust of rain; I lost control” Bernie was confused, her mind full of questions. What was he doing with her former registrar? Had he been drinking at the party? What was he even doing at a medic’s party? Was he going back to medical school?  
Noticing his bleeding nose she reaches out to take hold of his face “You’ve got a nose bleed, Cam” but he pulls away from her reach, abruptly telling her “I’m fine”  
Bernie slowly retracts her hand and heads over to the nurses station. Serena sees the hurt in her wife’s eyes at their son’s action “We’ll get Raf to check you over” she tells him as she comfortingly gives his arm a squeeze. He gives her a soft smile thanking her before she goes and joins her wife.

 

After Raf had done an initial examination of Cameron, under the watchful eye of both his parents, Bernie insists she treat him “But he’s our son, it’s against hospital policy” Serena responds.  
Bernie replies with a pleading look “I know, but he’s not seriously injured and it means he has to talk to me”  
She knows Bernie has been finding it tough reconnecting with their children since being blown back to reality, and especially with Cameron since the argument. She thinks back to the conversation she had with her about their children not needing her anymore and agrees “Sure. Of course”  
Bernie had treated Cameron’s injuries; the tension slowly subsided as they bonded over shared memories from Cam’s childhood. Things were going well, they were getting on, that is until Cam realised he couldn’t lie to his mother. He decided to tell her about his relationship with Keeley and that she was actually the one driving. Bernie had her suspicions that he was keeping something from her but never thought her son would actually try and cover up something so serious.  
She’s leaning on the nurses station, her head in her hands when Serena approaches and places a hand on her back “You alright? You’re doing that starey thing you do when something’s on your mind”  
She looks into her wife’s eyes, thinking for a moment, should she tell her wife who was really driving? Thinking back to the threat Cam made “I’ll be out of your life forever” she can’t take the risk.  
Bernie asks somewhat accusingly “Did you know our son was in a relationship with Keeley?”  
“What!?” Serena is a little taken aback, surprised at the revelation and also at her wife thinking she knew and would hide it from her “No. Isn’t she married?”  
“Yeah, but according to Cam not happily” she explains “I don’t know what he’s thinking”

 

Keeley had collapsed and required urgent surgery. During the operation Serena discovered the injuries she sustained could have only been caused if she were the one driving.  
She marched back onto the ward casting a quick glare at her wife sitting at the nurses station before fixing her gaze on Cameron as she headed straight to his bay. Bernie realised she must know, after all the evidence was there. She decided to make her way over and join them.  
“I’ve just finished operating on your girlfriend” Serena states tersely  
Cameron’s eyes shot up to see his mum standing at his bed side, a look of anger in her eyes. He shifts in the bed to prop himself up, letting out a breath he says “Mum told you. How is she?”  
Serena replies in her signature clipped tone “She’ll be fine” Bernie appears at Serena’s side. “What you both failed to tell me was the fact that Keeley was driving” Cam bows his head looking down shamefully, confirming Serena’s suspicion.  
Bernie tries to jump in and explain but Serena shoots her a look that says _'I’ll deal with you later’_  
She returns her attention to their son, breathing out a heavy sigh she continues “Do you know how serious this is, Cam? What were you thinking covering for her?”  
Cameron simply states “I love her, mum”  
“Oh that’s alright then” Serena snapped sarcastically before letting out a gentle sigh and softening her voice to add “You have your whole future ahead of you”  
“I’ve done what I’ve done. You both need to respect that” he tells his parents.  
Serena couldn’t believe what she was hearing; it was too much to take in. Needing some time to think she quickly whipped round and headed to the office. Bernie hastily followed.  
Serena is already sat at her desk gently rubbing her forehead when Bernie walks through the door. The brunette looks up as she hears the door click shut and Bernie start a rambling apology “Serena, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but he said he’d never speak to me again. I was trying to bring him round to the truth. I was -”  
Serena cuts her off stating flatly “You lied to me”  
After a moment Bernie raises her voice “What would you do if it was you he said he’d never speak to?”  
Serena’s eyes snap up to meet Bernie’s but before she has a chance to answer Fletch is nearing the door, interrupting the conversation “The police are here, they have a few more questions”  
Serena stands making her way to the door to go and deal with the police. Bernie asks “What are you going to do?” She turns back from the door, searching her wife’s eyes. What can she do? She's been put in an impossible situation. When Serena doesn’t reply she adds softly with a pleading look “Serena?” She say’s nothing as she turns and leaves the office, forcefully closing the door behind her.

 

Serena hadn’t told the police what she’d discovered but Bernie did; she had to do the right thing for her family. She joined Cameron at his bedside, handing him a packet of milky buttons as a peace offering. He wasn’t happy with her decision to tell the police but after a chat he softened towards her, he knew it was the right thing to do, he didn’t like to admit it but his mum always knew best.  
Serena hadn’t seen her wife for the rest of her shift; she had busied herself in the office with paperwork. As she was leaving the office she looked over to Cam’s bed to see Bernie sitting with their son. She decided against going over, choosing instead to make her way to the exit, after the day she had she just wanted to go home.  
Bernie sees her leaving the office and runs after her, catching up as she nears the door “Serena, er everything today…” Bernie’s eyes meet Serena’s, seeing the hurt in them she struggles to find the right words. After a moment and with a deep exhale of breath she decides to just apologise “I’m so sorry”  
Serena lets out a breath and says “You asked me what I would do if it were me”  
“Yes” Bernie answers.  
“I would have spoken to my wife about it. We’re meant to be a team”  
Serena’s words hit hard, before Bernie could say anything her wife was through the doors. She watched as she disappeared out of sight, mentally berating herself for her actions and the hurt she caused her. They _were_ a team; both professionally and personally.

 

It was a couple of hours later and Bernie’s shift had ended; she sat with Cam until he fell asleep. She knew she couldn’t put off going home any longer so she grabbed her stuff from the office and headed off.  
On entering the house she put her keys on the side, slipped off her shoes and hung up her coat and bag before heading upstairs. It was late and had been a long and tiring day, all she wanted to do was sink into bed.  
She quietly entered their bedroom, taking off her clothes before slipping into bed behind Serena. She gently leant over Serena’s shoulder and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, not wanting to wake her wife but needing to apologise she whispered “I’m sorry” before rolling over to settle on her back.  
Bernie was laying with her arm under her head staring at the ceiling, thinking back over the events of the day when Serena turned over and nestled into her side; placing her head on the blonde’s chest and an arm around her waist. Bernie lowered her arm to hold her wife closer, letting out a small sigh before saying “I really am sorry Serena. I didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s just difficult with the kids and-”  
Serena interrupts, gently reassuring her “I know. It’s okay, I understand” Bernie brings her other arm round to wrap her in a warm embrace. Serena gently hums as she relaxes into her wife’s arms “Let’s get some sleep” Bernie places a kiss on the top of the brunettes head before resting her chin there, breathing Serena in as she drifted off to sleep.  
Bernie might not have gone about things the right way but Serena knows she did what she does best and that’s protecting her pack.


	12. Fractured

Bernie was stood in the doorway of their bedroom, watching in amusement as Serena struggled to get her over packed suitcase closed “No chance of smuggling me in there then” she joked.  
Serena snapped her head round to see her wife casually leaning against the door frame, mug in hand and a smirk on her face “How long have you been standing there? You could help you know”  
Bernie smiled as she moved across the bedroom, placing her coffee on the side ready to help her wife. After an effort and a few choice words they managed to get it closed. Serena sat down on the edge of the bed letting out an exhausted breath, helping herself to her wife's coffee before reminding her “You were invited too, you could’ve come”  
“Not really my idea of fun” Bernie replied as she lifted the case off the bed, moving it towards the door “Anyway, someone’s got to look after AAU”  
“Yeah and make sure you do. I want my ward running like clockwork when I get back”  
Bernie stopped short of the doorway and turned to look at her wife “Er, _our_ ward” correcting her before adding with a smirk “Don’t forget we’re equals”  
Serena rolls her eyes “How could I forget when you constantly remind me?” 

 

She said her goodbyes to Jason and joined Bernie in the car, ready to head into work for a few hours before jetting off to the Amalfi Coast and a relaxing spa break with Elinor, the youngest of the Wolfe pack.  
On the drive to the hospital Serena was going over Jason’s schedule…again, Bernie interrupts to reassure her “It’s all written down. We’ll be fine” She reaches across and gives her wife’s thigh a gentle squeeze before leaving her hand to rest there “Don’t worry”  
Serena relaxed slightly at this gesture and the rest of the drive was in comfortable silence, apart from Serena voicing the odd thought that popped into her head like “Remember to water the plants” and “Don’t forget to put the bins out” earning a soft laugh and an eye roll from Bernie.  
Bernie pulled up outside the hospital; they both got out of the car and headed round to the back. The blonde retrieved the case from the boot, placing it on the ground and pulling up the handle as she proffered it to Serena who smiled and thanked her.  
The blonde asked “Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up later and take you to the airport?”  
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got a taxi booked, you enjoy your day off” Serena replied.  
Bernie simply saying “Okay” before an awkward silence fell upon them as they gazed into one another’s eyes, neither wanting the moment to end when they had to say goodbye.  
The sound of chatter from a couple of nurses passing brought them back to reality, Bernie cleared her throat before saying “Well, I guess I’ll see you in a week then” Serena gives a soft smile, letting go of the handle she was clutching to step towards Bernie, leaning in for a kiss. As their lips part Bernie adds with a smile “Have a good time”  
“I will. I’ll miss you.” Serena tells her and captures her lips in a final kiss before stepping back to take hold of the suitcase once again. Lightening the mood she adds in a mock warning tone “I don’t want to come back to the house looking like a bomb site”  
Bernie gave a small laugh before standing a little taller and giving a mock salute “Yes ma’am” They share a smile before Serena manoeuvres the case turning away to make her way across the car park.  
The blonde was closing the boot when she noticed Serena’s rather large sun hat sitting there. She called out “Oh wait, don’t forget your hat” Serena turned back as Bernie grabbed it out of the boot and placed it on her wife’s head, stealing one last kiss as she did so “Now you’re ready for your holiday”  
“I’ve got a shift to get through first” the brunette responds before making her way to the hospital. Bernie watches her wife disappear inside the double doors before getting in the car and driving back home.

 

Jason was round at Alan’s for the evening so Bernie was enjoying having the place to herself. She was lazing on the sofa flicking through TV channels when she heard a key in the front door and someone stepping inside. She calls out questioningly “Jason?” She wasn’t expecting him back yet but who else could it be.  
She listens, waiting for a reply but when there isn’t one she tries again “Jason, is that you?” Still nothing; unless, she thinks, it could be Cameron or Charlotte back home for a visit.  
She’s about to call out again when she hears a soft melancholic voice “No it’s me” a voice she wasn’t expecting to hear. Bernie whipped her head round to see her wife standing in the doorway to the living room.  
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your way to Italy?” Bernie asked in confusion, sitting up and making room for her wife on the sofa.  
“Yes I should” she says sighing as she comes to sit next to her wife “Ellie cancelled” Bernie knew how much Serena was looking forward to spending some time with her, she’d been so busy with work and caring for Jason she needed a break.  
She put her arm round Serena pulling her back on to the sofa enveloping her in a hug, Serena rested her head in the crook of Bernie’s neck as she explained “I’d been rushed off my feet all day and finally had a chance to call her and she just told me she couldn’t come. No real explanation. I was so angry I told her I’d go on my own and hung up”  
“So why didn’t you?” Serena looked up to Bernie in confusion at her question, it had been an exhausting day; she was tired and not really with it. Bernie clarified “Go on your own”  
Letting out a sigh Serena explained everything that had happened that day with Fletch and Evie “I had to find her and make sure she was okay. I couldn’t leave” Bernie smiled at this, one of the many things she loved about her wife was her selflessness; she had sacrificed her holiday to stay and care for Evie. She held Serena closer and placed a kiss on top her head before the brunette added “A week in the back garden beats the Amalfi coast any day”  
“I think we still have the kid’s paddling pool in the loft” Bernie joked “We could create our own spa retreat”  
“Well I was planning on having lots of relaxing massages while I was away” Serena said as she tilted her head up to meet Bernie’s gaze with a suggestive look.  
Bernie hums in response before saying “I’d be happy to oblige” She leans down to capture Serena’s lips in a lingering kiss.


	13. Protect and Serve

Serena is busy catching up on paperwork at the nurses station when a patient approaches. She looks up to see a man standing in front of her; his eyes scanning the room as he asks questions about Bernie. Wants to know if Serena has noticed any strange behaviour or people she didn’t recognise on the ward.  
She tells him “Given the circumstances, plenty” There was a lot of activity in the hospital as well as a strong police presence due to the Beauchamp incident and the helicopter crash, AAU was even more hectic than usual.  
Satisfied with her answers he thanked her before turning away and heading back to his bay, continuing to scan the ward as he did so. Serena’s deep in thought as she watches him, confused and a little concerned at the man’s interest in her wife.  
She was brought out of her thoughts by Fletch appearing at her side, asking over her shoulder “What’s James doing out of bed?”  
With her eyes still on the young man she drew in a breath to answer “He seems to have a bit of a Bernie obsession”  
“Ah, that’ll be the Major to you” he jokes, misreading Serena’s concern. She tilts her head to the side giving Fletch a disapproving look before stating “I’m serious Fletch” She returns her gaze to the patient, letting out a breath and thinking again for a moment before adding “He was asking some rather odd questions”  
“Who was?” Bernie questioned lightly as she approached the nurses station, eyes fixed on a patient file she was holding.  
“President of your fan club” Fletch joked as he gestured towards James, earning him another sharp look from Serena.  
Bernie looked up from the file and across the ward to where Fletch and Serena were looking. Seeing who it was she casually explains “Oh, I told him about my military background, he’s been emailing me conspiracy theories ever since” before returning her attention the patient file, thinking that would be the end of it.  
“You’ve been in contact with him?” Serena asked somewhat shocked at her wife's casual attitude to the situation and the realisation that this was perhaps more serious than she first thought.  
Bernie could hear the concern in the brunette’s voice and looked up to meet her gaze; wanting to reassure her that it was nothing to worry about “I sent the odd thank you, nothing beyond that”  
Fletch is starting to think that perhaps Serena is right to be worried, he’s a little concerned himself now he’s heard what the ex-army medic had to say. He suggests calling psych down to have a little chat with the patient but Bernie brushes it off and reassures them both he’s harmless enough.  
She swaps the file she was holding for another one from the desk and continues her ward round, leaving Fletch and Serena at the nurses station not entirely convinced that James was harmless. They watched him as he sat in bed scribbling away in his notebook, concern etched on their faces.

 

Following Arthur’s death Morven is using her time off from the hospital to volunteer at a drop in centre. She’s busy preparing for lunch when Jason strolls in cheerfully greeting her “Hello Morven”  
She’s surprised to see him “Jason, what are you doing here? You do realise the centre is for homeless people don’t you?”  
“Yeah, but the sign outside says everyone welcome” he replies with a big smile  
She can’t really argue with his logic but feels the need to put him right. She’s thinking how best to explain to him when the new volunteer she’d spent the day with walks up to them. He smiles at Morven before greeting Jason “Hello Jay”  
“Hello cousin Cameron. Are you here for the excellent meals too?”  
Cam gives a light laugh before replying “No Jay, I’m volunteering here”  
Jason simply smiles and nods in understanding as Morven looks toward Cameron in confusion and asks “Er sorry, Cousin?” She’d assumed they knew each other through the drop in centre.  
Jason steps in and answers for him “Yes. Cameron is my cousin. Auntie Serena and Auntie Bernie’s son”  
“You’re Serena and Bernie’s son?” she asks Cam for confirmation, not quite believing what she’s hearing.  
“Yes” Cam confirms. He wonders how she knew them and asks “You know my parents?”  
Jason answers for Morven this time “Morven is a Doctor, she works with Auntie Serena and Auntie Bernie on AAU” stating in his matter of fact way.  
Cam knew Morven was an F2 but not where she was placed “I didn’t know you worked at Holby”  
She was trying to forget work for a while, this was her time away from the hospital, away from people knowing her business and here she was, working closely with her bosses’ son.

 

Back at the hospital Fletch had decided to approach Bernie and request a psych consult for James after witnessing further odd behaviour from him. She was still resistant and unsure it would be the right thing for him, but it turned out James had been hanging around the hospital and Bernie quite a bit so Fletch insisted on the consult. She could see he was truly concerned and wasn’t about to give up on pushing for a referral so she finally agreed to talk to him.

 

Raf had found James’ notebook and alerted Bernie. Seeing the graphic contents of said notebook she knew they needed to find him, and fast. By the time security had found him it was too late; he was on the floor slumped against a wall in the bowels of the hospital, Fletch lying unconscious nearby. James had stabbed him.  
Fletch was already being brought up to AAU when Bernie had received the call telling her what had happened. She quickly put the phone down and joined Raf and Serena as they pushed Fletch through the ward and straight to theatre, the brunette woman telling her wife to get scrubbed in.  
While in theatre they discovered Fletch’s injuries were more serious than any of them first thought, the screwdriver had penetrated his heart. They had concluded there wasn’t much more they could do for him other than stabilise him.  
With Fletch stabilised and moved to ITU and Raf heading home to inform the fletchlings of what had happened to their dad, Bernie and Serena were left alone, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the operating room floor. Their thoughts were with their friend and colleague who was fighting for his life.  
Bernie breaks their silent contemplation by simply stating “This is all my fault”  
“What?” Serena looks to her wife in disbelief at her words.  
Bernie is staring across the room, she’s close to tears as she explains “He pushed for an assessment and I fobbed him off. I should’ve listened to him” After a beat she turns her head to face Serena, with a sorrowful look she adds softly “And you”  
Bernie’s not one to easily admit when she’s wrong, because in her mind she never was. Serena can see the regret and pain behind her big brown eyes and does her best to comfort her. Bringing a hand up to caress her cheek, looking deep into her eyes she tells her sincerely and strongly “You’re the most fantastic, fearless Doctor in this entire hospital”  
Bernie lets out a breath, relaxing slightly as they share a small smile before Bernie shifts on the floor, positioning herself so she’s able to rest her head on Serena’s shoulder. Nuzzling into her neck she mumbles “You have to say that…you’re my wife”  
Serena breathes out a slight laugh and places her arm around Bernie, holding her close, telling her “It’s true” she kisses the top of her wife’s head before adding “and Fletch would be the first person to say so”  
They stay on the floor of theatre for what seems like hours, too exhausted to move, both physically and emotionally. Serena holding Bernie close, their thoughts with Fletch and his children.


	14. Life in the Freezer

Serena is standing at her desk organising some files when she looks up at the sound of someone approaching the office, she sees it’s Bernie “Ah there you are. Where have you been?” she says to the blonde as she enters the office, closing the door behind her.  
“I went to see Hanssen” Bernie says tentatively hovering by the door  
Serena continues to sort through the files “Did you find out what he wanted?”  
“Er yeah” Bernie says as she moves into the room and places the trauma unit brochure on the side of Serena’s desk “He wants me to go to Ukraine, help set up a new trauma unit” Bernie is treading carefully, not sure how Serena will react to this news.  
She stops fiddling with her papers to briefly glance at her wife and then pick up the brochure to look through. Bernie informs her “It’s only for a few months”  
“What did you tell him?” Serena asks  
“That I need to speak to you about it” Bernie says looking at her wife, Serena momentarily looks up to catch her wife’s gaze and gives a small smile as she realises that Bernie is settling back into family life. She is no longer the independent army medic she once was, she wants them to make the decision together.  
Serena snaps out of her thoughts, turning her attention back to the brochure “Well it certainly reads like your dream job”  
The brunette is handing the brochure back to Bernie who is unsure of what to say, she decides to just give her a soft smile, somewhat unconvincingly. She doesn’t want her wife to beg her to stay but she can’t help feel a little put out by her nonchalant attitude to the possibility of her leaving.  
On noticing Bernie’s slightly forlorn look Serena breathes out a little sigh as she says “Obviously I’d rather you didn’t go, but this is a great opportunity for you, and like you said it’s only for a few months…it’s not a two year tour of Afghanistan, there’s no danger of you being blown up. I know you’ll be coming back to me in one piece”  
Bernie manages a more convincing smile this time as Serena moves over to her, reaching out to take her hand she tells her “I can come and see you or we could meet half way”   
They’re standing inches apart, Bernie leans in closer; her gaze is flicking between her wife’s eyes and lips, she draws her bottom lip in before softly asking with a tilt of the head “Can I…?”  
“You don’t have to ask” Serena replies with a small smile as she closes the gap and their lips meet for a lingering kiss. Bernie pulls back slightly “Well we’re at work…I wasn’t sure”  
Serena makes a show of looking around the room before turning back to face her wife, stating in between kisses “We’re in our office…alone…and the door’s shut…I think it’s safe Ms Wolfe”  
With that Bernie places a hand along Serena’s jaw, her thumb resting on her cheek as she pulls her wife in for a deeper kiss. Their lips part and they stand there for a moment lost in each other’s eyes; foreheads resting together, Bernie’s thumb caressing Serena’s cheek.  
Remembering where they are and that they still have a shift to get through Serena pulls back and takes in a deep breath before sighing out “We should probably…” She trails off as Bernie agrees “Er yeah, get back to work” Bernie gives her wife one last peck on the lips before heading to the door, as she reaches for the handle she turns around with a suggestive look “We’ll continue this later”  
“I look forward to it” Serena replies with a sultry smile.

 

Bernie and Serena were in the scrub room, cleaning up after surgery, when the blonde makes a suggestion “I thought we could go out for dinner tonight, that little Italian place you liked so much last time?” Serena looks to her wife with a furrowed brow, unsure of which restaurant she’s referring to, that is until Bernie adds “The one with the extensive wine list”  
“Oh yeah. That would be lovely but as you’re heading off soon…” Serena pauses slightly, Bernie thinks she’s going to say something practical about how she needs to get packed and organised for Ukraine but is pleasantly surprised when Serena continues “I thought maybe a cosy night at home, just the two of us. You know Jason’s not back till Thursday”  
Serena finishes drying her hands and looks towards her wife, their eyes meet, she could spend all day gazing into her wife’s eyes. She reluctantly breaks the moment, gesturing towards the door as she tells her “Right, well I’d better get on” leaving Bernie in the scrub room with thoughts of the night ahead.

 

Serena’s shift ended before her wife’s, she arrived home and started preparing the house for Bernie’s return. She was lighting a few candles in the living room when she noticed movement outside, looking at the time she realised it couldn’t be Bernie, she moved over to the window to see Ellie walking up the driveway.  
Serena makes her way to the door, opening it before Ellie has time to find her key; she looks up and gives her mum a big smile, greeting her warmly “Hi mum”  
“Hello, what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked suspiciously, Ellie never popped home without a reason, the reason usually being money.  
Picking up on her mum’s cynicism she jovially explained “I was meant to be meeting some old school friends in town, but they cried off, so I thought I’d come round and see my two favourite lesbians”  
“Right, and they weren’t in so you thought you’d come home and see your mum’s instead?” Serena quipped with a raised eyebrow.  
Ellie replies sarcastically “Very funny Mum” as she made her way past and into the living room “Where is Madre anyway? And what’s with all the candles? Have you had a power cut?”  
“Your mother’s still at work, she should be back soon” she answered as she checked the time before tentatively continuing “And well, she’s going away so…” Serena was choosing her words carefully “I’d planned a romantic evening…just the two of us”  
“Oh don’t mind me, I’m not here” she said grabbing a magazine and making herself comfortable on the sofa, not taking the rather large hint that her mother had dropped.  
As Serena continues to tidy round the living room she mutters under her breath “If only” earning a pointed look from her daughter. After a few moments and without looking up from the magazine she was engrossed in Elinor asks “So where’s she going this time?”  
Serena rolled her eyes at Ellie’s tone “Ukraine. On secondment for a few months” Serena pauses expecting Ellie to ask more questions but she doesn’t, she just continues to read. She hears the key in the door and moves across the room towards the living room doorway.  
Bernie walks through in to the living room to be greeted by an apologetic smile from her wife, her eyes darting to the sofa to alert her to their daughter’s presence “Ah Ellie!” She says in surprise trying to mask her slight disappointment at finding their daughter sprawled out on the sofa and the fact they didn’t have the house to themselves after all “It’s er, it’s good to see you”  
“You could sound a little more convincing Mother” she states bluntly but not unkindly before returning her attention to the magazine she was reading.  
“Er sorry…long day” she gives her daughter a weak smile before tilting her head indicating for Serena to join her in the kitchen.  
They enter the kitchen and Serena steps close to Bernie; placing her hands round her wife’s waist as she lets out a small sigh to say “It’s not quite going to be the romantic evening I had planned”  
Bernie smiles “Well you’d better make sure you visit me in Kiev where our children can’t disturb our romantic plans” Bernie pulls Serena in closer, bringing their lips together for a lingering kiss.  
Just as Serena is about to deepen the kiss Elinor casually walks in to the kitchen asking “What’s for dinner? I’m starving” They part lips and slowly turn their heads to watch Elinor search the fridge, totally oblivious to what she had walked in on.  
They turn back to face one another sharing a soft laugh at their daughter’s actions, resting their heads together before Serena places a kiss on her wife’s cheek and breaks away to sort dinner.


	15. Song of Self

Raf had called Serena over for a second opinion on a patient, as she approached the bed, the patient greeted her with a kind smile “Hello Serena”  
She recognised him immediately “Robbie”  
She thinks back to when she met Robbie before, the day of the bomb threat; he was the Inspector in charge of the operation, he had caught up to her as she was finally leaving the hospital after a long and tiring day. She was in dire need of Shiraz and he had offered to treat her.  
As they were walking across the car park her phone started to ring. Taking it out of her bag to see it was Bernie calling “Sorry, I’ve got to take this” she told him before walking a few steps ahead, Robbie hanging back to give her some privacy. He heard her answer affectionately “Hello you” before going out of ear shot.  
After a few moments Serena ended the call and made her way back over to Robbie apologising as she approached “Sorry about that. My partner, currently on tour in Afghanistan, we have to speak when we can”  
“Oh right” Robbie was a little surprised to learn she wasn’t single, he was pretty sure she’d been flirting with him throughout the day “I didn’t realise that you were…er…that you were…” he’s struggling to get the word out; Serena smiles at his bumbling words and offers “…married?”  
Robbie lets out a breath and with a smile says “Yeah, married. You’re not wearing a ring”  
“Not very practical in my line of work” she quips back before an awkward silence fell upon them as they stood together. Robbie thought he was on to a sure thing with Serena, now he’s not sure a drink is a good idea as they’re obviously not on the same page. Serena breaks the silence to ask “Shall we?”  
_Well she still wants the drink so maybe all is not lost_ Robbie thinks as he holds out his arm gesturing for Serena to go ahead “Lead the way”  
As they continue to walk Robbie asks “Not the jealous type then?” Serena turns to him with a questioning look not understanding his meaning. He clarifies “This husband of yours, I don’t want a big macho soldier banging my door down”  
“Oh…” she’s about to correct him but decides against it, after the day she’s had she doesn’t want to go into the details of her private life and all the inevitable questions that follow. She just wants a quiet drink, so she smiles and simply says “No, not at all”

 

And here he is back at the hospital, this time as a patient. After a brief exchange of pleasantries Raf explains his thoughts on the diagnosis as Serena takes the patient file and places it on the table towards the end of the bed.  
She looks on as Raf examines his neck. She turns her back to him to review his notes she had placed on the table; his eyes wander down to her bum, he takes the opportunity to reach out and place his hand firmly on her behind. Serena’s head shoots up from the notes, she stares straight ahead, somewhat shocked at Robbie’s action before calmly looking down to where his hand was and back up to meet his eye “Excuse me but that’s my backside”  
“It’s incredible” Robbie replies dreamily.  
Serena says sternly “Thank you but it’s also private property”  
Robbie withdrew his hand but his eyes still remained on her backside, off in his own little dream world.  
As the drinks flowed all those months back at Albie’s, Serena recalled Robbie being a little more direct about his intentions but he was never hands on, never disrespectful. She looks to Raf for an explanation for the patient’s behaviour and catches him looking down stifling a smirk. He looks up to see Serena looking at him; eyebrows raised waiting to hear what he has to say. “Erm…” he starts as he straightens his face “I may have given him a bit too much morphine”  
_That explains it_ she thinks to herself before saying aloud “Right well, let’s get him booked in for an MRI. See if there’s anything we need to worry about”  
“You’re the boss” Raf responds cheerily  
“You’d do well to remember that Mr Di Lucca” she quips back shooting him a look before heading across the ward. 

 

Serena had joined Fletch in taking Robbie down for the scan. He wheels Robbie into the scan room coming to a stop at Serena’s side, he’s gazing up at Serena, looking into her eyes dreamily “You have the most incredible eyes” She clears her throat, looks sheepishly at Fletch who looks down to hide the smirk that was forming. Robbie continues “You’re an amazing woman, Serena”  
Feeling slightly embarrassed she offers him an awkward smile and says “Thank you” before adding “Now up you get on to the bed please”  
As he sits down on the bed he takes hold of her hand adding sincerely “I mean it Serena. You’re the one for me”  
“Yeah that’s definitely the drugs talking” she tells him lightly with a smile.  
His tone turning slightly more aggressive, he petulantly asks “I guess you’re still with that squaddie husband of yours. What war’s he off fighting this time?”  
Fletch was making his way out of the room but stops in his tracks at Robbie’s words, whipping round with raised eyebrows giving Serena a questioning look “Husband?”  
She shoots him a warning look before turning her attention back to Robbie “Er yes Robbie” Her eyes dart up to see Fletch smirking as she continues “Still happily married thank you. Now lie down please”  
Robbie lays back and settles on the bed as Fletch and Serena head into the control room to observe the scan. “So this husband of yours…” Fletch starts as she rolls her eyes in response “Does Bernie know about him?”  
She turns to give him a pointed look and breathes out, offering him a small explanation because she knows if she doesn’t she will never hear the end of it “I went for a drink with Robbie after a long shift and he just assumed” She turned her attention to the scan coming through on the screen before adding “And I hardly think now, with him high on opiates, is the time to put him right”

 

Serena was making her way over to Robbie, who was now sitting up in bed, the effects of the morphine having worn off. As she walked past the nurses station she could see Raf and Fletch whispering and laughing quietly, she shot them a look and they hurriedly grabbed patient files and continued with their work.  
Robbie noticed Serena approaching, as she came to stand at his bedside he began tentatively “Look Serena, I want to apologise for my behaviour today. It was unforgivable”  
She gives him an appreciative smile before light heartedly saying “Nothing like high grade opiates to bring out the playful side of a man”  
He hums a laugh “Yeah” thinking for a moment, grateful she’s so understanding, he adds sincerely “Your husband’s a lucky man”  
“Ah well, he isn’t” Robbie looks at her in confusion “Isn’t a man I mean. It’s, well she, is a woman”  
Robbie’s eyebrows shoot up “Oh” She can see he’s clearly surprised and waits a moment for a response as an awkward silence falls between them “I wasn’t expecting that” Serena gives him an understanding smile. After another uncomfortable pause Robbie quips “I really didn’t stand a chance did I?” Serena laughs in response and they sit and chat for a while, choosing to forgive Robbie’s opiate induced behaviour.


	16. The Kill List

Serena comes onto the ward and is rounding the corner when she is met by a sight she wasn’t expecting to see this morning. Outside their shared office, facing away from her, her wife is stood talking to Jason. _She must have come straight from the airport_ she thinks.  
Having her wife and co-lead away increased Serena’s work load on AAU so she never got the chance to visit her in Kiev. It had been a couple of months since she had seen Bernie, all she wanted to do in this moment was to sweep her into her arms, breathe her in and tell her how much she missed her. But they’re at work, surrounded by staff and patients alike and she knows she has to keep it professional.  
After momentarily being lost in her thoughts, all she manages to say is “Bernie”  
At the sound of the familiar voice, Bernie spins around to be greeted by a warm smile from the brunette, which she lovingly returns. The noise of the ward disappears around them as they are lost in each other’s eyes.  
They are snapped out of the shared moment when Fletch catches up to Serena and comes to a stop at her side, seeing Bernie he greets her with a cheeky smile “Welcome back to the madhouse”  
Bernie gives a soft laugh “Thanks Fletch”  
An awkward silence falls on the group. Looking between the couple, seeing the look they’re sharing, he senses they would like some time alone. He turns his attention to their nephew “Jason, mate. Er can you help me with…something” trying to think of an excuse to leave them to it but failing.  
“Help you with what?” Jason asks in confusion, not understanding what Fletch was getting at.  
Fletch moves over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder to steer him away “Just come with me, I think your aunts would like to be alone for a bit”  
“Oh okay. Why didn’t you just say that?” he says as he happily walks off, leaving Serena and Bernie softly chuckling at Fletch’s failed attempt at discretion.  
Serena nods towards the office and follows Bernie inside. Closing the door behind them she turns to ask in slight disbelief “What are you doing here? You’re not rostered on today”  
“I couldn’t wait until tonight to see you” Bernie says as she moves closer, reaching out to take hold of Serena’s hips and adding softly and sincerely “I missed you”  
With a soft smile she wraps her arms round Bernie’s waist “I missed you too. It’s good to have you back”  
“It’s good to be back” Bernie purrs, pulling the brunette closer so their hips are pressed together. She is leaning in to kiss her wife when she catches sight of Jason over Serena’s shoulder and asks “What’s he doing?”  
Serena turns to see their nephew standing on the other side of the door, she breathes out a small laugh before saying “I think he’s just excited to have you back” As she turns back to face Bernie their eyes find each other again and she adds seductively “And he’s not the only one”

 

Serena and Bernie are at the nurses station when Jason approaches, he casually asks “Auntie Serena, have you told Auntie Bernie what happened with Robbie?”  
Looking up to Serena from the file she was holding, Bernie questions “Robbie?”  
Serena goes on to explain that Robbie was the policeman she went for a drink with several months ago “You remember, I told you about him”  
The blonde chimes “Oh yeah, Robbie the Bobbie” remembering Serena telling her about the grenade incident when she’d called her back after the long shift.  
“He’s in love with Auntie Serena” Jason states nonchalantly.  
“Well it’s good to know you can still turn a head” Bernie quips in response as she looks toward her with a smile, which was met by an unimpressed look from her wife.  
Serena had had enough of her colleagues teasing her over the past week; she didn’t need her wife joining in. She felt the need to elaborate on Jason’s statement, telling Bernie “He was admitted as a patient, had a bit too much morphine-”  
“Declared his undying love for you?” Bernie cut in teasingly.  
“Perhaps you gave him the wrong impression when you had dinner with him, Auntie Serena” Jason informs her.  
“It wasn’t dinner, Jason, it was drinks and….well yes we ate, but-” She is cut off by Bernie stifling a laugh, looking down into a patient file to hide her smirk she mumbles “I know what he wanted to eat”  
Serena stiffened and shot Bernie a scolding look, hoping Jason hadn’t heard what she had said. By the confused look on his face Serena knew he had and was sure he would ask what Bernie meant by that.  
Before he got a chance Serena took in a breath and cleared her throat to say to Jason with a smile “Shouldn’t you be getting on love?” Luckily for Serena, he returned the smile and headed off to go about his porter duties.  
After Jason had gone Bernie lifted her head to give Serena a cheeky smile, looking a little too smug for the brunette's liking.  
Serena tried her best to look unimpressed but with her wife’s big brown eyes gazing back at her it was very difficult. Her lips quirked into a small smile as she shook her head, thinking _if Jason brings up the subject again, she can be the one to explain that statement._

 

It was nearing the end of the day; it had been a busy one. Serena was grateful that Bernie had decided to come straight to the hospital and was able to lend a hand but they hadn’t had any time to themselves since Jason’s interruption earlier.  
They’d performed surgery together in a sexually charged operating room, Serena leaving Bernie to close up so she could catch up on some paperwork and finish her shift on time.  
Bernie was just coming through the doors, back onto the ward when she saw Serena enter their office. Thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to show her wife how much she missed her, she makes her way over and enters the office quickly so as not to be seen by gossiping colleagues.  
Serena had her back to the door, searching the filing cabinet. She heard the door click shut and glanced over her shoulder to see Bernie locking the door and then hastily close the blinds. The brunette tilts her head to the side, asking suspiciously “What are you doing?”  
Rushing over to Serena, Bernie replies “This” before pulling her wife into a passionate kiss. Their lips crashed together, eliciting a soft moan from Serena, hands grabbing at each other, desperately pulling the other closer. When the kiss slowed and became less urgent, their lips parted and Serena giggled softly at Bernie’s actions.  
Bernie breathes out “Sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that all day”  
“Are you kidding? That was amazing” Serena says before firmly placing her lips on Bernie’s once again. Pulling back after a moment to say “But I do think we should get back out there before our staff start to talk”  
“No one saw me come in here” The blonde assures her “And even if they did, they don’t know what we’ve been doing”  
Serena beams at Bernie “They will if you go out on to the ward like that” she says, pointedly flicking her eyes down to Bernie’s lips.  
Bernie furrows her brow in confusion. Serena moves closer, saying “Come here” as she lifts her hand up to wipe a thumb over the blonde’s lips and remove traces of smudged lipstick.  
“Ah” she says, realising what Serena meant. Her eyes moved up to meet Bernie’s, she let her thumb linger on her wife’s bottom lip. Bernie reached up to take her hand, placing a kiss on the tip of her thumb as they gazed into each other’s eyes before saying to Serena “Thank you”


	17. Parasite

Bernie pulls into a parking space outside the hospital, pulls on the handbrake, puts the car into neutral and turns off the engine. She slips her hand from the gear stick over to rest on Serena’s thigh; she meets her wife’s gaze and smiles softly, as she enjoys the memories of the previous night. Her gaze wanders down to Serena’s lips; she shifts in her seat to face her wife.  
Recognising the look in her wife’s eyes, Serena arches an eyebrow and Bernie smirks in reply. With a sigh Serena reluctantly breaks her gaze and turns away to reach for the door handle.  
She wants nothing more than to embrace her wife before their shift but she remembers the last time they were caught making out in Bernie’s car like a couple of teenagers…much to the amusement of her colleagues.  
Bernie’s fingers grip tighter on Serena’s thigh in a bid to keep her in place. She looks back over her shoulder to see a questioning look on the blonde’s face “Are you in a hurry?”  
Serena is ready with a witty reply “You know me, I like to lead by example”  
“But we’re half an hour early” Bernie states in confusion.  
“We’re at work” Serena replies before adding in a mock authoritarian tone “We need to be professional Ms. Wolfe” She pointedly looks over to Jac Naylor, then back to Bernie with raised eyebrows.  
Bernie follows her eyes to see Jac standing at the entrance of the hospital. She gives Serena an understanding smile before taking the keys out of the ignition and reaching for the door handle.  
They both step out; linking hands as they meet at the back of the car and make their way across the car park to start their shift.  
They’re approaching the entrance when they see a man pull up in the ambulance bay on a horse, complete with a bruised and bloodied woman. They share a bewildered look before making their way over to help. It was straight into work mode this morning, no time for the usual transition from personal to professional relationship.

  


Bernie was just finishing examining the woman who arrived on the horse; Serena was sat at the nurses station watching her wife, relishing having her back at work and back in those scrubs.  
Serena’s eyes follow the blonde as she makes her way across the ward; Bernie notices her wife’s eyes on her and with a smirk adds a little more sway to her hips teasingly as she walked over to join her.  
As she passes behind Serena she leans over her shoulder to flirtatiously ask “Keeping a professional eye on me, Ms McKinnie?” before carrying on to the computer to update the patient’s file.  
Serena turns to look back at her wife, ready with an equally flirtatious reply, but is interrupted by Morven introducing them to the new rotation of junior doctors “This is Ms Wolfe and Ms McKinnie, clinical leads of the Acute Admissions Unit” She turns her attention to the couple “Any pearls of wisdom for the new rotation?”  
Serena bluntly replies “The pay is better abroad” before Bernie adds her own words of advice for which Morven is grateful.  
She’s leading the group off when Bernie notices one of the young doctors squatting down to tie his shoe. She calls across to the group “Oh and never leave a man behind” before turning to Serena to ask “Or was that the previous career?”  
Serena turns to face Bernie and answers with a smile “Yeah, that was the previous career”  
The F1 turned to stand but the couple were busy looking at each other, sharing the joke to notice who the man left behind was; until he spoke up “Okay to leave a family behind though”  
They’re both rendered speechless as they look up to see their son standing before them in scrubs. Filling the awkward silence he gives a weak smile and greets his parents before walking over to them “Surprise”  
They’re both still at a loss for words. Serena had spoken to Cam while Bernie was away, she knew he had gone back to med school but she was just as surprised as Bernie to see him turn up in the middle of a shift.

  


Bernie and Serena were passing through the ward when Bernie noticed Cameron was treating a patient unsupervised and without adrenaline. She’d pointed out his mistake and told him flatly “You’re going to have to sharpen up or you’re going to fail, again” before whipping round and heading to the office. Serena gives Cameron a sympathetic smile before trailing after Bernie.  
As they enter the office Serena asks Bernie lightly “Don’t you think you were a bit hard on him?”  
“That was a basic mistake, Serena. He should know better” Bernie replies, perhaps a little too brusquely.  
“I know but...” she takes in a breath, thinks for a moment before letting the breath out to say “Just go easy on him. It wasn’t an easy decision for him to go back to med school”  
Bernie thinks on her wife’s words for a moment, _maybe I was a little harsh._ She lets out a breath and gives her wife an understanding smile before turning and heading back out on to the ward.

  


The patient’s CT scan had come back clear but Cameron still wasn’t convinced there wasn’t something else going on. He tried again to get Bernie to listen to him and investigate further but she wasn’t having it, assuring him “We’ve been through this, any neuro problems would’ve shown up on the CT”  
Bernie walks off leaving Cameron standing in the middle of the ward, unsure of what to do. It’s at that moment that Serena walks past “Mu…er Ms McKinnie. I’d like to order Mrs Osborne an MRI”  
“Right and you’ve run this past your mother?” Cameron looks down sheepishly and Serena asks sternly “Cam?”  
Looking back up he tells her “I’ve tried talking to her, she won’t listen. She’ll shoot me down in seconds”  
Serena thinks for a moment “I really don’t want to come between the two of you” she pauses before adding with a sigh “but as your superior I can’t ignore your concerns so…leave it with me”  
With an appreciative smile he tells her “Thanks Mum” At Serena’s raised eyebrows he corrects himself “Er sorry, Ms McKinnie”

  


Having just discovered her patient was sent for an MRI scan, Bernie approaches Cameron at the nurses station “An MRI scan is an expensive and frivolous waste of resources. Who authorised it?”  
Cameron looks sheepish as he tells her “Mum did” He takes in a breath ready to explain but Bernie jumps in. “This is typical of you Cameron” Bernie’s in full swing and doesn’t notice her wife slowly approaching “You don’t get what you want from me so you go behind my back to your Mum”  
As she nears the desk Serena speaks up “Er, sorry to interrupt”  
“Oh no by all means. You clearly have quite the working relationship” Bernie says as she continues to rant.  
“Bernie” Serena lightly warns her and the blonde lets out a calming breath, remembering this is a professional disagreement not a family dispute. “It appears Cameron was right” Serena tells her as she shows her the results of the scan and explains the findings. Cameron stands to see the results for himself, not quite believing that his intuition was right. 

  


Bernie and Serena are sat at Albie’s chatting about their son as they wait for him to come back with the drinks. They were both impressed by the skills he had shown and after a difficult start Bernie had enjoyed working alongside him.  
He makes his way over to the sofa and places the drinks on the table before taking a seat opposite his parents. They join Cameron in a toast and as they clink their glasses together Bernie semi mockingly warns him “I know there’s a Vodka in that coke. You can’t be drinking every night” Cameron looks to Serena with raised eyebrows; who in turn looks to her wife incredulously.  
Having finished his drink, Cameron decided to join Jasmine at the bar, leaving Bernie and Serena alone “I hope what you said to our son earlier doesn’t apply to us too” Serena casually asks her wife. Not following Serena’s meaning Bernie gives her a puzzled look and the brunette elaborates “About not drinking every night”  
Bernie lets out a small laugh before telling her wife “We are fully qualified surgeons, Serena. As well as responsible adults”  
Serena looks across to the bar where Cameron is, he’s having a good time and doesn’t look like he’ll be leaving anytime soon. She turns back to her wife and states “Being responsible is overrated” Leaning in closer, looking deep into the blonde’s eyes she lowers her voice to ask “How about we go home and be thoroughly irresponsible while we have the place to ourselves?”  
Bernie’s lips quirk up into a smile “That sounds like an excellent idea” They finish their drinks and grab their coats, saying their goodbyes as they make their way out of Albie’s.


	18. Just Get On With It

Elinor had come home for Christmas and today she was joining her parents on AAU, filming the NHS winter crisis for a Uni project.  
It seems she had chosen the perfect day, the ward was busy and there was a particularly difficult patient with some _interesting_ views.  
She’d also learnt that a junior doctor, Dr Jasmine Burrows, had been transferred from another ward; it was her first day on AAU and Elinor decided the junior doctor’s journey would make a perfect story.  
Whilst shadowing Jasmine, Elinor had taken an interest in the difficult patient, Tracy, and wanted to interview her for the project. Thanks to Elinor’s questioning, things got a bit heated between Tracy and another patient. She was trying to calm things down when she was shoved; falling backwards and hitting her head on a trolley.

 

Elinor had noticed that Jasmine was trying hard to impress Serena, so after having her head injury treated she joined her at the nurses station to give her some advice. “You know if you’re setting out to impress her, there’s your first mistake”  
“Speaking from experience?” Jasmine casually asks.  
“It’s when you’re under performing, that’s when you’d know about it” she replies before adding forlornly “Something I’ve been all too often reminded of this Christmas”  
Jasmine looks up from the computer to point out “Your Christmas can’t have been worse than mine”  
“Having to play happy families; my parents trying to make up for countless missed Christmas’s while they gush over my perfect brother and his decision to go back to medicine. Not to mention my darling sister Charlotte who can do no wrong. On top of Cousin Jason watching every Christmas special of Dr Who” she says with a wry smile.  
“How did you cope?” Jasmine asks sarcastically.  
“I got very high” Elinor replies nonchalantly much to Jasmine’s surprise.

 

It turned out Jasmine _had_ managed to impress her new boss and had been invited to join her in theatre.  
Elinor was stood watching Serena at work operating on Tracy when Bernie comes to stand at her side. Glancing round to her Mother, Elinor asks “Is she going to be alright?”  
“Well it’s serious” Bernie goes on to explain “She has infected tissue in her pancreas” Elinor wonders if she could die and the blonde reassures her “She’s in safe hands. Your Mother is an excellent surgeon”  
Turning to face Bernie she says sincerely “Both my parents are” before giving her a warm smile which the blonde shyly returns. After a moment Elinor turns away and looks to the floor sheepishly, she takes in a breath to say “I’m sorry I was a cow over Christmas. I guess…” she lets out the breath before continuing “…I’m still getting used to you being back, to being a proper family”  
She turns back to Bernie to see her nodding in understanding “I get it”  
“Maybe we could do something later…just the two us?” Elinor asks hopefully.  
“I’d like that” Bernie replies sincerely with a small smile.  
Returning the smile Elinor jovially says “Good, ‘cause you’re paying”  
“Heh don’t push your luck Elinor” Bernie laughs out before turning to head back on to the ward, leaving Elinor to watch the brunette surgeon finish.


	19. I Do I Do I Do

It was the start of another busy day on AAU and Elinor had come bouncing onto the ward, keen to show her parents an article she’d been up all night writing. Whilst waiting for them in the staff room Jason casually informed her “Auntie Serena isn’t deputy CEO anymore”  
Elinor couldn’t believe what she was hearing, as soon as her parents were through the door she jumped up to confront Serena “You’re not deputy CEO?”  
A little taken aback by the question, she simply replied “Er nope"  
“And neither of you thought to tell me” she stated rather than questioned as she looked between her parents “There goes my credibility” she huffs before storming out.  
Serena calls after her as the three of them follow her down the corridor “Ellie, wait. Elinor” But it appears she has no intention of stopping. Serena tries again more forcefully “Elinor Elizabeth McKinnie-Wolfe do not walk away from me while I’m talking to you”  
Elinor stops abruptly, spinning round to face them “You don’t tell me anything that’s going on. I was the last to hear about him moving in with you” she pointedly looks to Jason before returning her gaze back to Serena “I was the last to hear about Mum being blown up and nearly dying”  
Serena rolls her eyes; she was losing her patience now and had had enough of Elinor overreacting and behaving like a child. Bernie had tried to calm the situation but to no avail and their daughter marched off down the corridor and out of the building, heading straight for her car.  
Her mind is in overdrive, she’s running on adrenaline as she starts the engine and presses down on the accelerator whilst struggling with her seatbelt. The next thing she knows is someone shouting “Auntie Serena” and then bang. It was Jason.

 

Serena is gripping Bernie’s hand tightly as they follow the trolley through the doors and onto the ward.  
As Jason is wheeled through to theatre Fletch steps out to block the couple’s path, indicating they can’t go any further and Serena stops by Elinor’s side.  
There’s no stopping Bernie though, letting go of her wife’s hand she charges across the ward and through the doors to theatre. She knows she can’t operate but she needs to be there with him and heads into the observation room.

 

Bernie watched on as Raf and Morven had opened Jason up, blood came gushing out and he quickly called for abdominal packs. Once they got the bleeding under control they were able to see the damage.  
Bernie notices the shared look between Raf and Morven as they assess the damage to the liver, pressing the button on the intercom she leans in to say “Talk to me Raf, what can you see?”  
“Liver fracture” he calls back to her.  
In no uncertain terms she informs him “You need to suture it”  
“That’s almost impossible, we can’t” He quickly tells her.  
“If you don’t the patient will die” She replies sternly.  
Raf takes in a breath and gives Morven a look, silently asking if she’s ready. She gives a slight nod in reply and, pushing nerves aside, they begin.

 

It was touch and go for a while but once Bernie knew Jason was going to be okay she left them to close up and went in search of her wife. She was exhausted, the realisation of how close they were to losing him only just hitting her as she stepped back onto the ward.  
Serena had just finished checking on a patient when she saw a forlorn looking Bernie walk through the door, thinking the worst she started to make her way over to her.  
Spotting Serena coming towards her she gives her a soft smile and slight nod, indicating Jason was okay. Serena let out a relieved breath before gesturing to her wife to join her in their office.  
As soon as they were in the office with the door closed behind them Serena relaxed into Bernie’s warm embrace listening to her words of comfort. “I’ve got you, it’s okay Serena. Jason’s going to be okay. Raf and Morven did an amazing job”  
Serena started to gently sob “I don’t know what I would’ve done if we lost him” After a moment her thoughts turned to Elinor “I just don’t know what Ellie was thinking, how could she have been so stupid”  
Bernie doesn’t say anything, just simply holds Serena closer. They stay like this for a few moments, Serena wrapped in Bernie’s arms, when there’s a knock at the door. It was Elinor.  
“How is he?” she asks hopefully.  
Serena pulls away from her wife and walks over to sit at her desk. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Elinor, knowing that if she did she would probably say something she’d regret.  
Bernie steps in to answer their daughter’s question “There was quite a serious injury to his liver but he’s stable now”  
A relieved breath escapes Elinor’s lips “He’s really going to be okay?” Bernie gives her a soft smile and nods. “Thank you”  
The blonde glances over to Serena who is still staring out the window; she decides to leave her wife and daughter alone to hopefully sort things out “I’d better get back out there”  
Bernie gives Elinor’s arm a comforting squeeze as she leaves the office. Elinor waits for Bernie to close the door before turning to Serena “Mum” Nothing; she tries again “Mum please, I’m sorry” But all she gets is a hardened glare. She wants to tell her everything, to explain what happened but is interrupted by Jasmine informing Serena she is needed on the ward. 

 

After finishing with the patient Serena went in search of Elinor. She found her in the locker room where they were able to have a heart to heart and clear the air before Jasmine came to inform them Jason was awake.  
Serena went to see Jason, leaving Elinor mumbling something about a water closet to a confused Jasmine.  
Jasmine had quickly checked Elinor over earlier but with the ward being busy and the young woman insisting she was fine Jasmine left it, but now she isn’t sure she did the right thing.  
Elinor had been gone a while and Jasmine started to worry so she went looking for her, finding her collapsed on the floor of the toilets she immediately called for help. 

 

Serena and Jason are chatting and laughing when Bernie enters the room. As soon as she meets her wife’s eyes her mind goes blank and she just stands there unable to move or speak.  
Seeing the sorrow in Bernie’s eyes Serena immediately worries and asks “What?”  
Bernie was looking straight into her wife’s eyes desperately searching for the words to tell her. A few seconds passed and after swallowing thickly Bernie finally managed to say “It’s Ellie”

 

They stood hand in hand behind the glass, both paralysed with fear at the possible outcome of the doctor’s examination.  
A simple shake of the head is all that is needed for them to know the prognosis wasn’t good. Serena lets out a deep breath and breaks down, Bernie’s strong arms supporting her, stopping her from sinking to the floor.

 

The staff were gathering in the staff room, as Morven passed by Bernie she said quietly to her “Er, Ms Wolfe” she hesitates, takes in a breath before continuing “I can do this if you-”  
She cut’s Morven off, perhaps a little too brusquely “Thank you, Doctor Digby, but it’s fine” she needs to do it herself, feels she owes it to her team to tell them personally.  
As Morven moves across the room to take a seat she catches Fletch’s eye, he gives her a sympathetic smile, a smile that says _you tried._  
Hiding behind her British reserve she informs her colleagues that Elinor suffered an extradural haemorrhage and the scans indicate serious brain damage “Ms McKinnie is with her” She takes in a steadying breath as she thinks of her wife sitting alone with their daughter “I’ll be heading back up there and leave you all to get back to your patients” Looking to Fletch she adds “If there’s any problems then let me know” Fletch gives a soft smile and nods in response.  
She waited for her colleagues to leave before walking across the room and taking a seat. Once alone she let out a heavy sigh and rested her head in her hands, allowing the tears to fall.

 

Serena is sat at Elinor’s bedside deep in thought when Bernie quietly walks in. She places a comforting hand on her wife’s shoulder, snapping her out of her thoughts. Serena takes in a breath and starts to reel off their daughter’s vitals as Bernie takes a seat next to her.  
Bernie reaches out and places her hand over Serena’s which is holding onto their daughter’s. Serena looks to her with sorrowful eyes and Bernie leans in to place a kiss on her wife’s temple.  
They stay close, resting their heads together for a moment before Bernie summons the courage to softly say “Serena” the brunette pulls back to look at her wife “We need to call Cam and Charlotte”  
Serena looks to Elinor lying there; thinks for a moment before breaking down at the thought of having to tell their other children. Stroking her thumb over the back of Serena’s hand, Bernie softly tells her “It’s alright, I can do it” She starts to move but Serena grips her hand, wants her to stay, they look into each other’s eyes and Bernie assures her “I won’t be long” before making her way out of the room.  
She steps out of the room; turning to close the door behind her she stops and looks back at her wife and daughter, she takes in a steadying breath. She knows she needs to be strong for Serena and their children.


	20. Aces High

Morven was walking across the ward, heading to the nurses station carrying a bunch of flowers when Cameron caught up to her, asking “More flowers? Their office is beginning to look like a florist’s”  
“Yeah I know” She replies distantly as she hands the flowers to a nurse and readies some patient files. She looks up from the files to turn her attention to Cameron “If you see your parents can you ask if they want to collect them”  
He tells her he probably won’t be seeing them because it’s his last day on the job. “I’m transferring to London”  
Morven can’t hide her disappointment at Cameron’s news “But that’s…”  
“…miles away” he says finishing her sentence cheerily. “Yeah that’s the idea; you try working in the shadow of Holby’s great power couple” he quipped but Morven knew there was more to it than that.  
“Do your parents know?” Morven asks tentatively.  
He takes in a breath, feels a pang of guilt that he hasn’t told his parents that he’s leaving but brushes it off and simply replies “They’ve got enough on their plates”  
Cameron walks off across the ward before Morven can probe any further; he’s got a job to get on with, an exciting new hospital to look forward, he doesn’t want to dwell on his feelings. Morven is left standing at the nurses station unsure what to do.

 

Bernie was sat propped up against the headboard; her hand rubbing soothingly over Serena’s back as she dozed under the covers, nestled into her wife’s side.  
Bernie’s phone started to vibrate against the bedside table. She had put it on silent so they could both get some rest for a couple of hours. Since their daughter’s unexpected death neither of them had been getting much sleep.  
She reached out to the bedside table and grabbed it quickly, not wanting the buzzing to wake Serena. There was no way she could move from the bed without disturbing her so she swiftly raised the phone to her ear, not checking the caller ID she answered in a hushed tone “Hello?”  
Serena stirred beside her, stretching slightly before tucking in closer and moving her arm to rest over Bernie’s stomach. Looking up through tired eyes she sees Bernie with the phone to her ear.  
“Oh...really?” Bernie said before pausing and listening intently to the person on the other end of the phone. Serena was concerned and propped herself up to get a better view of Bernie’s face, trying to read her expression.  
“Okay. Yes. Thanks for letting me know” Listening to Bernie’s tone Serena was starting to worry “Okay. Bye” She disconnected the call and stared out across the room.  
Serena waited, hoping Bernie would tell her what the phone call was about but she seemed lost in her thoughts so Serena tentatively asked “Who was that?”  
Bernie let out a breath; still taking in the information she had just been given she told her "It was Morven" She paused a moment. Serena waited for her to continue, could see she was struggling with the news and didn’t want to push.  
After a moment, Bernie looked down to meet Serena's gaze and told her "Cam’s leaving...he’s going to New Green Hospital"  
“In London?” Serena questions.  
“Yeah...it's his last day at Holby today” Bernie’s unsure what to do; she doesn’t want him to leave, they had reconnected the past couple of weeks since his rotation at Holby and she doesn’t want to lose that but knows he’s been struggling since his sister’s death. They all have and she can’t blame him for wanting to leave, just wishes he told them himself.  
As if reading her mind Serena tells her “Go. Say goodbye to our boy”  
“I…I don’t want to leave you” Bernie tells her, entwining her fingers with Serena’s.  
“I’ll be fine, go and tell him we love him” Serena knows her wife’s not good at communicating her love for their children and that she regrets not being there for them over the years, the guilt ever more present since losing Elinor. She looks Bernie in the eye and adds softly “Tell him _you_ love him”  
Bernie gives her a soft smile and even though she knows what her answer will be, knows it’s too soon for her to go back, she says “Come with me”  
Serena takes a sharp intake of breath and, unable to maintain eye contact, moves her gaze down to their linked hands “I can’t” she manages to reply as she fights back tears. She knows she has to go back eventually but not yet, it’s too soon.  
Bernie wraps her arm around Serena, pulling her back into her side and places a soft kiss to the top of her head, telling her “It’s okay, I understand” Serena lets out a small sigh as she relaxes into her wife’s embrace.

 

Cameron walks out of the lift and is busy looking down at his phone, not noticing his mum leaning against a pillar waiting for him “Going somewhere Cam?”  
He looks up in surprise at the sound of the unexpected voice. “Ah, Morven?” He asks and Bernie simply nods in response “I knew I couldn’t make a clean getaway” he quips.  
As Cameron comes to stand in front of her she gives an awkward smile before asking “Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“You both have other things to worry about” Bernie gives him a look, a look that says we will always have time for you.  
After a slight pause Bernie says “Your Mum sends her love, she couldn’t face…” As she trails off Cameron tells her softly “I understand” before asking “How is she?”  
“Coping. Why don’t you come back with me? She’d love to see you” Bernie offers hopefully.  
“Er...I’ve got a train to catch” he tells her with an apologetic smile.  
“I could give you a lift” Bernie suggests, desperately trying to keep Cameron in Holby that little bit longer but he just gives her a knowing smile. He’s made his decision to leave and knows if he goes back to the family home it will make it harder for him to go.  
“I’ll give her a call in couple of days, when I’m settled” he assures her.  
An awkward silence falls between them; remembering her wife’s words she opens her arms tentatively and awkwardly asks her son for a hug.  
He smiles and moves closer, Bernie pulls him in. Holding him tightly, not wanting to let him go, she tells him “I love you so much" She knows she doesn’t say it enough and wishes she could tell Elinor how much she loves her.


	21. Stick or Twist

It was their first day back at work; they were walking down the corridor side by side when Serena suddenly stopped, Bernie comes to a halt and looks to her with concern “Serena?”  
Serena thought she could do this, thought with Bernie at her side she could do anything but this was too much.  
“I can’t do this, I’m sorry. I need to go” Bernie can hear the panic rising in her wife’s voice, reaching out with a comforting touch to her arm she tries to calm her “It’s okay Serena. I’ll take you home”  
“No” She says a little too abruptly before softening to say “No, I’ll walk” and offering the smallest of smiles.  
“It’s miles, I’d rather-” Serena cuts her off before she can finish “I’ll be fine” she just wants to get out of there.  
Bernie wanted to be there for her but she had to respect that Serena wanted to be alone; it was her way of coping. She pulls back her hand and reluctantly lets her go.  
As Serena walked back down the corridor Bernie called round to her “I’ll call you later” She looked over her shoulder and gave her wife a weak smile in appreciation before continuing on her way.  
She watches her wife disappear down the long corridor before turning round and facing the ward. She takes in a steadying breath, preparing herself to face a difficult day alone.

 

Bernie walks onto the ward apprehensively, telling herself she can do this. Fletch meets her and welcomes her back before carefully asking “No Serena?”  
“Er no” She replied as she stands awkwardly looking around the ward, doesn’t want to go into details.  
Fletch perseveres “Was she okay about you coming back?”  
“I can’t stay away forever” She turns to move away adding “I’ve got a ward to run” She knows she’s being abrupt, that he’s asking out of concern but she just wants to get on with the job at hand, take her mind off everything else that’s going on.  
She reaches the office and, seeing every available surface covered in flowers, calls back to Fletch “What’s all this?”  
He explains they were from patients and colleagues and Bernie was a little taken aback at just how many people cared “We weren’t sure what to do with them” He looks towards them and says “They’re starting to look a bit tired”  
Letting out a breath she replies distantly “I know how they feel”

 

It had been a difficult first day back for Bernie, made worse by losing a patient. This wasn’t just any patient though, she had lost Artem, an elderly man that Fletch considered a good friend; he’d bled out during a difficult operation.  
It had gone the end of their shift by the time she was out of theatre and she thought Fletch could do with a drink, she definitely needed one. Losing a patient was never easy but it was the first since her daughter’s death and it brought back the feelings of losing her. Fletch agrees and they head to Albie’s to toast Artem’s life.  
After staying for one drink she arrived home to find Serena curled up on the sofa surrounded by photo albums, her cheeks damp with tears.  
Serena had an album open on her lap to a photo of Serena and Bernie and their three children taken on Elinor’s 3rd birthday; her finger traced over Elinor’s smiling face. Bernie’s breath hitched at the sight and she made her way over to envelop Serena in her arms, wondered how long she had been sat like that.  
Nuzzling into Bernie’s collarbone Serena asks through tears “Where were you? I needed you”  
“I got stuck in theatre. I’m sorry” Bernie told her, placing a soft kiss to her temple “I’m here now”  
Serena looked up to her wife with an understanding smile and Bernie leans down to meet Serena’s lips. They share a soft kiss before the brunette quickly pulls back as she tastes the whiskey on her lips.  
She sits up to face Bernie “Whiskey? I thought you got stuck in theatre not Albie’s”  
Bernie let out a breath; she was hoping she wouldn’t have to tell Serena about losing Artem just yet but now she didn’t have a choice. She starts off slowly “Do you remember Artem? Our poker playing friend?”  
Serena gave a slight nod and Bernie continued “Well he was back in today...I lost him on the operating table”  
Guilt washes over Serena, not only did she leave her wife to face the day alone, she had lost a patient, someone they had all grown fond of. Serena gives an apologetic look “Oh Bernie, I’m so sorry”  
Bernie quirks her lips into an appreciative smile as she softly sighs. Serena nestles back down into her wife’s side, Bernie resting her chin atop the brunette’s head.  
They sit together quietly for a few moments before Bernie asks “Have you eaten today?” Serena coyly shakes her head, knows she should eat but just didn’t have the appetite. “I’ll order a takeaway”  
Within an hour they’d finished eating, both only managing a small amount but it was something, and they were back on the sofa. Serena tucked under Bernie’s arm, cuddled into her side as they looked through the photo albums together.  
After a while Bernie noticed Serena had stilled, she looked down to see she had dozed off. Taking hold of the album she gently put it down on the coffee table before turning back to Serena, placing a soft kiss on her forehead and whispering “Come on let’s get you to bed”


	22. Four Letter Word

It was another hectic day on AAU; Bernie was swamped and went in search of her wife, unsure if she had made it in to work at all as she hadn’t come home the previous night.  
Since Serena came back to the hospital a couple of weeks ago she’d been burying herself in work. She hadn’t been coming home until late into the night, sometimes not until the early hours of the morning, usually crashing on the sofa but if she ever did make it upstairs she would sleep in Elinor’s room. Bernie would always lie awake waiting to hear her come through the front door, hoping she would join her in their bed but she never did.  
Bernie found her in their shared office, sat at her desk preparing for the day. She was angry that she hadn’t come home, hadn’t even contacted her, but the relief of seeing her safe and well overshadowed the anger she felt and she kept her tone light “Oh good, you’re here”  
Serena glanced up at her but said nothing. She reached out and took hold of a bottle of pills from next to a wine stained glass, a glass that didn’t go unnoticed by Bernie, leading her to enquire “Rough night?”  
“Oh you know” Serena replied nonchalantly before popping the pills in her mouth.  
“No I don’t know because you didn’t come home last night” Bernie retorts.  
Serena’s eyes shot up and met Bernie’s; Serena paused as she took in the hurt in her wife’s eyes “I er” She began but had to look away as she continued “Got caught up here. You wanted me teaching…I’m teaching. Speaking of which I’ve got a mentee to mentor” She stood and made her way past Bernie and out on to the ward.  
“Serena” Bernie called after her but she was gone.

 

Bernie was worried about Serena, she had been acting strangely all day, seemed to always be rushing somewhere, so she found a quiet moment to investigate.  
Sitting at her wife’s desk she looked through her drawers, finding that the top one was locked she grew suspicious and went in search of the key. After unlocking it she opened it to discover three bottles of Shiraz.  
She was taking them out of the drawer and placing them on the desk when Serena walked in. Stopping dead in her tracks, she looked up with wide eyes and stared at the bottles; she didn’t know what to say, how to explain.  
Bernie looks up to her and asks “Care to explain why you have a whole vineyard in our office?” Serena opens her mouth to explain but stutters over the words and Bernie continues “Working late, were you?” Bernie pointedly looked towards the bottles.  
Serena demanded “You need to stop, right now” She wasn’t ready to deal with this and it certainly wasn’t the time or place to do it.  
Bernie didn’t care; she was worried about her wife and had to make her listen. She raised her voice “No Serena, do you understand how serious this is?”  
“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Serena spat back.  
“My wife, the woman I love. The woman I see falling apart in front of me and I’m powerless to do anything about” Jasmine appeared at the door while Bernie was in mid flow; the tension in the room was palpable and she hung back as Bernie snapped “Where were you last night?”  
Bernie was impatiently waiting for an answer when Jasmine stepped forward and without thinking blurted out “She was with me” Serena shoots her head round and looks at the junior doctor in disbelief, _why is she covering for me?_ Jasmine went on to clarify “Helping me, I got her those to say thank you for mentoring me”  
Bernie can’t quite believe what Jasmine’s saying either but why would she lie? Bernie is looking to Serena for confirmation but she keeps her eyes firmly on the floor, can’t bring herself to look at her wife.  
An awkward silence fills the room and Jasmine starts to move, thinks she should leave them to it “Sorry…I should go”  
Serena calls to her “No wait, what did you want?”  
Jasmine explains that she needs a second opinion on a patient and Serena follows her out, leaving Bernie sitting in the office piecing together the information. Maybe she did jump to the wrong conclusion.

 

Serena had stormed out of theatre after she put a patient’s life at risk and Bernie had to step in and take over.  
Bernie had closed up the patient, scrubbed out and went in search of her wife. Passing the office window she sees Serena standing hunched over the blondes desk looking for something.  
She rounds the corner and enters the office to see she is routing around in her bag “Serena what are you doing?” She doesn’t answer, just quickly shoots a glare up at Bernie as she maniacally takes the contents of her wife’s bag out and slams it down on the desk. Bernie warns her “You need to calm down”  
“No I need to borrow your car” she says as she produces Bernie’s keys from her bag and surges forward towards the door. Bernie moves to block her path and firmly closes the door, much to Serena’s dismay.  
They stand face to face; Bernie can see the anger still present in Serena’s eyes from their exchange in the office earlier. She takes the keys from Serena’s hand “I’m not letting you drive anywhere in that state” adding softly and sincerely “I don’t want to lose you too”  
Serena softens momentarily before pushing past Bernie to grab hold of the door handle, yanking it open she hisses “It’s not about me”  
She storms out of the office; Bernie calls out as she chases after her but is stopped by Jasmine and all she can do is watch as Serena disappear through the doors.

 

Bernie finds Serena sitting outside in the peace garden, staring down as she grips her phone, anxiously drumming her fingers against it. Sitting down beside her Serena doesn’t acknowledge her wife’s presence; she keeps her eyes firmly on her hands. “Serena?” Bernie says softly as she reaches out to place a hand over hers.  
At her wife’s comforting touch Serena stills her hands and relaxes slightly before Bernie continues “Serena, Cameron called. Charlotte called too”  
The brunette quickly looks to Bernie for confirmation, there’s a spark of hope in her eyes “They called back?”  
It’s short lived when Bernie gently tells her “You need to stop calling them Serena”  
“But they’re not coping. I need to help them”  
“They’re coping in their own way. You need to let them” Bernie knows Cameron and Charlotte have found it difficult since their sister’s death and Serena’s behaviour hasn’t been helping.  
Serena snaps “But I need them here!” She takes in a calming breath, and softly says “I need them here with me. I need to know they’re safe, Bernie”  
Bernie doesn’t know what she can say to comfort Serena so she reaches out and takes hold of her hand again and simply says in understanding “I know”  
Tears start to build and she grips Bernie’s hand as she tells her “It’s just so hard”  
“You need to talk to someone Serena”  
Serena asks through tears “Will you…will you come with me?”  
Bernie smiles softly and strokes her hand soothingly “Of course I will, if that’s what you want” hesitantly adding “but…I think this is something you need to do it on your own”  
Serena knows Bernie’s right; she lets out a small sigh as she turns to meet her wife’s gaze, they share a loving smile before Serena feels the tears building again. Seeing her wife’s pain she too feels the sting of tears and quickly pulls Serena into her side and holds her close.

 

Bernie watched as Serena finished up with a patient and made her way to their office. She followed after her and came to stand in the doorway “If you give me five minutes I’ll drive you home”  
Serena gives a thankful smile but tells her “I think I’ll walk”  
Bernie couldn’t help the feeling of rejection but tried to hide it with an understanding smile and gentle nod before turning to leave.  
Serena could tell Bernie was disappointed and wanted to reassure her “Bernie” Stopping in her tracks she turned round to face Serena who gave out a small sigh and, holding her wife’s gaze, told her sincerely “I love you”  
Bernie let out a breath and rushed over to wrap Serena in her arms. It had been a while since Serena had told her and, although she never doubted it, relief washed over her at hearing those three words.  
She relaxed into the embrace and murmured into Serena’s neck “I know you do. I love you too” She placed a kiss on her cheek and softly added “So much”  
Bernie loosened her hold on Serena to face her and ask “Are you sure you want to walk?”  
Serena nods “Yeah I need to clear my head”  
“Okay” Bernie tells her before placing a kiss on her forehead “I’ll see you at home”  
Serena watched, deep in thought, as Bernie left the office and disappeared out of sight. Letting out a contented sigh she gathered up her things, wrapped herself in her coat and scarf and donned her trainers ready to start the journey home.

 

An hour or so later she walked through the front door to be greeted by the aroma of something cooking. After hanging up her coat and bag and taking off her trainers she made her way to the kitchen, expecting to find her wife busy cooking.  
There was a large bouquet of red roses sat on the table, along with an envelope and she could see something in the oven but there was no sign of Bernie. She could see she had gone to a lot of effort but wasn’t sure why until she opened the envelope to find a Valentine’s Day card and immediately felt guilty, it had totally slipped her mind what day it was.  
She went in search of her wife and found her in the bathroom, sitting on the side of the bath tub, absentmindedly swirling her fingers through the water. Bernie looked up to see Serena standing in the doorway and greeted her affectionately “Hello you”  
“Bernie I’m so sorry I…” But before Serena could say anymore Bernie was in front of her gently pressing a finger to her lips. She moved her hand to cup Serena’s cheek, replacing her finger with her lips as they shared a gentle lingering kiss before resting their heads together.  
They stood enjoying the tender moment, a rare occurrence recently. “Hmm, thank you for this”  
Bernie nuzzled Serena’s nose with her own “You’re very welcome”  
Serena wants to apologise, not just for today, but for everything. She takes in a small breath “I am sor-”  
Bernie shushes her and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth “Come on, before it gets cold”  
It had been a while since they were intimate and she didn’t want Serena to think she was pushing for anything to happen so she decided to give Serena her privacy to undress and get in the bath, telling her “I’ll get you some fresh towels”  
When Bernie got back to the bathroom her heart warmed at the sight before her; Serena was laid back in the bath, eyes resting and breathing gently. Bernie can’t remember when she’d last seen her looking so relaxed.  
Not wanting to disturb her, she entered quietly and put the towels down, she was turning to leave when she heard Serena’s gentle plea “Stay”  
Bernie turned to give Serena a loving smile as she made her way to sit down on the side of the tub. They talked a little, shared memories of times spent with the children, but Bernie was happy to let Serena relax and Serena was happy just to have Bernie there by her side.  
When Serena was ready to get out of the bath, Bernie stood waiting with a towel. She held it open for her as she stepped out and into Bernie’s arms.  
She held her close and run her hands over her back and arms, drying her. Serena was holding back the tears as she thinks how lucky she is to have Bernie and how she doesn’t deserve this after the way she’s been treating her. The last couple of weeks Serena had been doing her best to push Bernie away, but even with her own grief she always put Serena’s needs first, always looked after her.


	23. The Price We Pay

Serena had been seeing a therapist for a few days now and Bernie could see the difference in her personally, but professionally she was still struggling, especially with Jasmine. She was continually pushing her to become a better doctor, pushing her to spot things earlier, believing that if she did Elinor would still be alive.  
Serena’s frustration at Jasmine had been building all day, Hanssen even had to step in and relieve the junior doctor when Serena pushed her that little bit too far in theatre because, yet again, she was too slow at spotting something.  
It was nearing the end of the day when Bernie rounded the corner to see her wife fighting back tears as she stood talking with Jasmine about their daughter.  
She let it play out, hoping this outburst would clear the air between the consultant and the junior doctor, but Serena’s grief turned to anger and she became aggressive towards Jasmine. Bernie had never seen her wife like this, she had to do something so she stepped forward and tried to intervene, demanding Serena to stop.  
Her words went unheard and Serena continued her verbal assault until she broke down in Jasmine’s arms, both women in tears, holding each other.  
Bernie gave them a moment before approaching and placing her hand on her wife’s back “Serena” she says, gently making the brunette aware of her presence. Serena immediately turned into Bernie’s arms.  
She held her wife close as she silently checked Jasmine was okay before leading Serena into their office. Sitting her down in her chair, Bernie kneeled down in front of her and took Serena’s hands in her own.  
Serena can’t bring herself to look at Bernie; she keeps her eyes down, watching as the blonde strokes her thumbs soothingly over the back of her hands. Bernie doesn’t say anything, lets Serena gather her thoughts, but after a few moments of silence she decides to approach the issue.  
“Serena” Bernie starts out cautiously, unsure how her wife will react to what she’s about to say “You know it’s not Jasmine’s fault” half questioning half stating.  
Serena takes in a breath and closes her eyes, she’s had time to reflect on her behaviour and she knows Jasmine didn’t deserve that outburst. After a moment she opens her eyes to meet Bernie’s gaze with a sorrowful look but says nothing as she fights back the tears.  
Bernie knows Serena is struggling with blame and it’s something they need to discuss but right now she needs to take care of her wife. She reaches up to cup Serena’s cheek, wipes away a stray tear as she tells her “Let’s get you home”

 

Bernie came back from changing out of her scrubs to find Serena sat with her coat and scarf on waiting to leave.  
As they made their way through the hospital she informed Bernie that Hanssen had been to see her and said he wouldn’t be taking any further action over her behaviour today, just that he would continue to monitor the situation and support her.  
They reach the main doors of the hospital and, on noticing Jasmine standing with Fletch and Sacha, Serena slows. She knows what she has to do.  
After taking in a steadying breath and receiving an encouraging smile from her wife she steps towards the group and addresses the young doctor “Sorry, Jasmine can I have a word?”  
Jasmine sheepishly follows Serena a short distance away from the others, she had been apologising all day for her little mistakes, now it was Serena’s turn. She apologised profusely for her unprofessional and unfair behaviour, finishing with a simple but heartfelt apology “I am very, _very_ sorry”  
She accepts the apology with ease and even invites Serena for a drink which the brunette graciously declines “I don’t think that’s a good idea for me right now but, thank you”  
Seeing the conversation was over, Bernie made her way to Serena, passing by Jasmine and giving her a thankful smile for being so understanding. When she reached her wife she took hold of her hand and they made their way across the car park in comfortable silence.  
"Ms McKinnie" They were approaching their car when Jasmine caught up to them and addressed Serena hopefully “I was just wondering if you’re still going to be my mentor”  
Serena responded “I don’t think I’m the right person for you”  
“I do” Jasmine replied quickly and surely “I know I’m flawed and I know I’m never going to be as good as my sister” Her words touched Serena’s heart because Elinor always felt she could never measure up to her older siblings, which wasn’t at all true. Jasmine continued to plead her case “I just want to be the best _I_ can be and…you can make me that”  
She wanted to say yes but was unsure it was the right thing to do and looked to Bernie for reassurance. Bernie gave a slight shrug to say _it’s up to you_ , she trusts Serena will make the right decision for both her and Jasmine. Turning back to the young blonde with a small smile she tells her “I’d be honoured”  
Jasmine returns the smile and thanks her before making her way back across the car park, leaving Bernie and Serena to get in their car. Serena sat down in the passenger seat and rested her head back against the headrest, letting out a relieved breath, grateful for Jasmine not making a fuss and also for being given a second chance.


	24. Unbreakable

Serena was sorting through the pile of mail on her desk when she came across a letter addressed to both her and Bernie.  
Bernie moved round from her seat to perch on the corner of her wife’s desk as she opened the envelope. Serena seemed distracted by its contents, she’d disappeared into a world of thought, this concerned Bernie and she asked “Serena, what is it?”  
As Serena stared down at the words in front of her she replied “It’s a thank you letter from the recipient of Elinor’s heart”  
Bernie took in a breath; she was a little taken aback by the arrival of the letter and didn’t know what to say.  
After a moment’s thought she takes hold of Serena’s hand and tentatively says “Erm…I think it’s a good thing…anonymous contact, letting the family, well us, know that…” Bernie trails off, unsure how to finish the sentiment.  
Serena hums distantly in agreement after being brought out of her thoughts “They probably think it helps” She didn’t feel ready to read the letter so handed it over to Bernie.  
Bernie took hold of it and cast her eye over the beautifully scripted words before looking to Serena and asking carefully “You don’t think it does?”  
“Our daughter’s still dead” Serena replies bluntly meeting her gaze before standing to leave. As she passed by she placed her hand on Bernie’s leg, a small gesture to indicate she was okay and that Bernie needn’t worry.  
Bernie did worry though; her thoughts were with her wife as she sat down at her desk and prepared herself to read the letter.

 

It was Bernie’s suggestion that they show Jason the letter. She could see he was struggling with his grief and hoped that knowing a small part of Elinor lived on in someone else could help ease his pain.  
They’d decided to talk to him together but, with Bernie in and out of theatre and Serena busy with a rather obnoxious patient, they were never free at the same time so, even though she still hadn’t read it herself, she sat down with Jason and showed him the letter.  
He took hold of it and read through it to himself while Serena sipped at her coffee. He picked out a particular sentence to read aloud “Everyone deserves a second chance”  
Serena’s mind immediately went into overdrive as she recalled being told those exact same words by the aforementioned patient. Could it be that she was the one to write the letter, that she is the recipient of Elinor’s heart, she had to know.  
After rushing back to her office, a quick file search confirmed her belief; this woman had her daughter’s heart.  
Grabbing her stethoscope she hurried out onto the ward and hung around the patient’s bed, waiting desperately for Matteo to finish his consult so she could listen to her daughter’s beating heart once again.  
As she stood listening to the rhythmic beating she became overwhelmed with so many different emotions she had to quickly retreat back to her office, where Bernie found her a few moments later after having finally finished in theatre.  
Bernie entered the office to see Serena sitting in quiet contemplation at her desk “Serena?” Serena glances up at her wife but doesn’t respond, doesn’t know how to. As Bernie walks closer and comes to stand at the edge of the desk she tries again “Are you okay?”  
Serena tentatively starts “That woman out there” she says motioning out onto the ward over to the young woman in bay one. Bernie glances out across the ward before returning her gaze to Serena, wondering where this conversation was going. Serena continues as she summons the courage to say the words “She has our daughter’s heart”  
Bernie whips her head back round to take another look at the patient. After a moment she turns back to face Serena, slowly lowers herself to sit on the edge of the desk “How…how do you know?”  
Serena explained to her wife the events of the morning that had lead up to her discovering Jo had Elinor’s heart. Bernie couldn’t believe it; a part of their daughter was back at Holby, on their ward.

 

The patient crashed before undergoing an MRI scan and was rushed into theatre, they did everything they could but it wasn’t enough.  
Serena had run out in tears after holding Elinor’s heart in her hands, after Matteo had told her it was futile, after the patient was pronounced dead. She sat at the bottom of the stairs, his words still ringing in her ears “Time of death 20.49”  
Jasmine was worried for Serena and went in search of her. She found her in tears on the darkened staircase and sat down to comfort her, only to have it thrown back in her face. Serena started a rampage; blaming her for the loss of the patient, culminating in her viciously telling the young doctor “I wish it was you that was in the morgue”  
Jasmine hurried off down the corridor where she was met by Bernie. She kept her head down, didn’t want the trauma surgeon to see she was crying, didn’t want to have to explain why she was crying.  
But Bernie knew something wasn’t right and gets the information out of a reluctant Jasmine. After checking she’d be okay, Bernie carried on down the corridor and through the door to find Serena hunched over at the bottom of the stairs, her head in her hands.  
She was so deep in her thoughts she didn’t notice Bernie approaching. Not wanting to startle Serena she quietly sat down next to her and reached out slowly to place her hand on her wife’s shoulder.  
This gentle touch brought Serena out of her thoughts and she immediately turned to Bernie to tell her “We lost our daughter again”  
Bernie goes to say something, to tell her that it wasn’t Elinor on the operating table, but before she manages to get the words out Serena continues bitterly “And it was under Jasmine’s care… _again_ ”  
Bernie let out a sigh, was at a loss of what to say so said nothing, she was tired of Serena’s need to blame someone but now wasn’t the time for her to voice her opinion, so she simply pulled her close and held her as she sobbed.  
After a few moments Serena had calmed enough for Bernie to take her to their office where they were meeting Jason.  
Serena sat down at her desk and pulled out a bottle of Shiraz from her drawer, Bernie watched as her wife poured herself a glass, she wasn’t happy that Serena was drinking again but after the day they’d had she allows it and at least she was there with her this time.  
They’re sat in silence; Serena sipping at her wine and Bernie checking emails when Jason came bounding in stating “Got us sushi for tea, Elinor’s fav”  
Neither Bernie nor Serena had much of an appetite so Jason tucked in while Serena told him “It’s too late now but we will take you to the cemetery one day” Serena had been reluctant to go when Jason asked, she hadn’t been back since the funeral but if it’s what he wanted then she knew she’d have to be strong for him.  
Jason quickly replies “Oh no need, I don’t need to go”  
Bernie looks up from her desk to ask “Why don’t you want to go to the cemetery anymore?”  
He looks between his aunts as he tells them strongly “Because somewhere in someone…she’s not dead”  
Bernie and Serena look to one another, they both know they can’t tell him about the loss of the patient, they can’t take that little bit of hope away from their nephew.


	25. It's Only Love If It Hurts

Serena and Jasmine’s relationship had been strained since their encounter the previous week, making the ward an uncomfortable place to work. Jasmine couldn’t stand the tension anymore; felt she was walking on eggshells around her boss, so when she was working alongside Bernie she took the opportunity to approach the subject.  
She was dismissive at first, telling the junior doctor “Just do your job” and hoping that would be the end of it. Jasmine pushed and, for her sake and the sake of the rest of the team, Bernie reluctantly assures her “Okay I’ll talk to her” This was not a conversation she was looking forward to having.  
Seeing her wife walk on to the ward she decides now is as good a time as any and, leaving Jasmine to continue treating the patient, she makes her way over to join Serena at the nurses station.  
As she approached Serena’s side she faltered in her steps, she could smell the unmistakable smell of cigarette smoke and questioned “Have you been smoking?”  
Serena denies she has but Bernie leans closer and breathes in the scent, informing her “I can smell it on you” before perching on the desk.  
“Well, pot kettle, darling” Serena retorts with her head down, busying herself with a patient’s file.  
“Yes but I smoke, you don’t” Serena didn't respond this time, she was being distant but Bernie decided to push on and brought up the subject of Jasmine.  
Serena wasn’t prepared to listen and walked off toward their office, Bernie trailing behind her; she'd promised Jasmine she would talk to her and wasn’t about to give up.  
When Bernie caught up to her in the office she continued softly "Look Serena, maybe you should..." but trailed off as Serena’s eyes snapped up to meet hers, a hint of annoyance evident.  
Serena had guessed where Bernie was heading with that statement and saves her the trouble of having to word it, telling her flatly “I’m not apologising to her”  
Bernie sighs, thinking for a moment of how best to proceed "Okay, so go easy on her and get on with your job, get the department back up and running" Serena seems disinterested even in that so Bernie adds "You do care about your job don’t you?"  
Serena mumbles out a reply "Nothing else in my life"  
"Nothing?" Bernie asks incredulously.  
Serena looks up to see the hurt in Bernie’s eyes, immediately feels guilty for causing it, she hadn’t meant she didn’t care about her. With a sigh she goes on to clarify bluntly “Our daughter’s dead, our other children aren’t talking to me and Jason’s doing his best to avoid me. What is there to care about?”  
Before Bernie can say anything Serena walks out of the office leaving the blonde alone with her thoughts and worry for her wife.

 

Throughout the day Serena’s behaviour seemed to go from bad to worse. Her physical threat towards Jasmine was the last straw for Bernie; she couldn’t take any more so when they were alone in their office Bernie decided to confront her “You’re hell bent on destroying everything because you’re in pain. Well guess what Serena; you’re not the only one hurting”  
Serena is taken aback by Bernie’s outburst, she's the level headed one, has been nothing but supportive over the past few months since their daughter’s death.  
Bernie gets up from behind her desk and moves around it to stand face to face with Serena “I love you so much but I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to help you” despair evident in her voice.  
Serena remains hard faced as she looks to her wife but does appear to soften very briefly, appears to be considering letting Bernie help her.  
Then all of a sudden Serena turns away, breaks eye contact, that small glimmer of hope gone and Bernie can’t take it, the usually calm trauma surgeon storms out of the office slamming the door behind her.  
They don’t see much of each other after that, except on the ward when they discuss a patient’s diagnosis and subsequent treatment with her and then again in theatre when they work together.  
Unfortunately they lose said patient, Dotty. She was brought in earlier in the day, a woman with such a zest for life it radiated to those around her; it had even affected Serena.  
The patient’s casual comment about her second husband with ‘buns like walnuts in lycra’ earning a stifled laugh from the brunette surgeon and endearing her even more to the woman. She had that cheeky spark that Serena used to have and was beginning to miss; she was tired of being angry.  
Even being told she needed an operation that she may not survive didn’t dampen her spirits, insisting she’d had a good innings “You have to enjoy every moment” 

 

Serena was sat on the roof contemplating Dotty’s words; they were interspersed with thoughts of her behaviour over the past few weeks and the events of today. Her violent actions towards Jasmine, how she’d treated her wife and even turning on poor Jason and his subsequent telling her he wants to go and live with Alan.  
She thinks back to watching Dotty bleed out in front of her and she realises how precious life is, realises she shouldn’t be wasting it by torturing herself and, more importantly, her loved ones. She couldn’t continue on her downward spiral of blame and regret.

 

After Serena had missed her last elective, Bernie was worried and went in search of her; she was told she’d been seen heading up to the roof so the blonde made her way up the stairs and found her wife sat in a deck chair, a blanket wrapped around her and a glass of Shiraz in hand.  
Serena was listening to music through her earphones, totally unaware of Bernie’s presence until she sees movement out the corner of her eye. She takes out the earphones and watches as her wife sets the deckchair down next to her.  
Once Bernie had settled herself Serena took hold of the blanket and pulled it across to drape over Bernie’s legs before reaching out and taking hold of her wife’s hand.  
Serena stares down at their entwined fingers as she builds the courage to look Bernie in the eye. After a moment she turns to meet her wife’s gaze, resting her head close to Bernie’s she tells her quietly and simply “I’m sorry”  
Bernie let out a breath as her lips quirked to form a small smile “Is this where you tell me you want to go on a sabbatical?”  
“I don’t recognise myself in me anymore. There’s too many ghosts here, it’s not making me happy” Serena explains.  
“So what’s the big plan? What will make you happy?” Bernie asks hoping that the plan would involve her but if it didn’t, she could live with that, she would support her no matter what, just like Serena had supported her throughout her career in the army, the times she was away on tour.  
Serena looked up to the dark expanse of the night sky and thinks for a moment; she tilts her head back to the side, returning her gaze to Bernie to tell her softly and slowly “You and me in a villa in the South of France, watching the sunset with a glass of Shiraz in our hands”  
Bernie is silent while she pictures it, how perfect it would be, just the two of them but then the reality floods in and she sighs “Hmm not sure Hanssen would go for that”  
Serena informs her “When we spoke earlier he told me there was almost nothing he wouldn’t do to help me. I think giving my wife a couple of weeks leave would be acceptable”  
They share a loving smile but then Bernie looks away, down at their linked hands, before asking “Then what? I come back and you...” she shrugs her shoulders “…stay and grow grapes?”  
Serena breathes a small laugh “Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know I need time to find myself and I need time to reconnect with our children” She waits until Bernie makes eye contact to add “and with you”  
They lean in closer and share a gentle kiss, they stay close, rest their foreheads together “I’ll always be there for you” the blonde assures her, reinforcing the statement with another kiss. She then pulls back enough to look Serena in the eye and tell her “I love you, Serena”  
Serena smiles softly “I love you too”  
They sit cuddled together under the blanket, hand in hand, heads resting together as they gaze up at the clear night sky.


	26. Gold Star

After a second round of shots the younger members of the team went to find a table, leaving Ric and Bernie sat at the bar.  
“You seemed in better spirits today” Ric says. Bernie pointedly looks down at her neat scotch and up to meet Ric’s eye with a smirk, Ric furrowing his brow in concern.  
“Joke Ric, I’m not drinking my pain” she assures him.  
There’s an awkward pause at the realisation of her words; that was after all what her wife had done. Bernie takes a sip of scotch and Ric follows suit, hoping the alcohol would ease this conversation; he starts tentatively “The other day…I asked…”  
Bernie looks up from her scotch, turns towards him in anticipation of where the conversation was heading. At meeting her gaze he decides she’d probably appreciate him coming straight to the point, so he bites the bullet and asks “How are things on the home front?”  
He had tried a few days previous, when he turned up on the ward, to ask how Bernie was coping but she brushed it off with a simple “No comment” and left it at that. Ric could tell from her demeanour that she was doing what she did best, hiding behind her good old British reserve, something he’s not willing to let her get away with doing tonight.  
So when she automatically answers “Fine” he gives her a disbelieving look and waits for her to continue.  
She knows he’s not going to leave it so, with a resigned sigh, she looks back down to her drink, swirls the remaining scotch around the glass and simply replies “I miss her”  
She contemplates leaving it at that, she’s not one for opening up about her feelings but they’re eating away at her and she knows Ric can understand what she’s going through, having lost a child himself.  
So she downs the scotch and allows the words to tumble out “I miss her like crazy, but…I don’t know. I didn’t realise how much it took out of me. All those months of being strong for her…I didn’t take the time to grieve the loss of our daughter. I was too busy holding our family together, making sure Serena was okay” She draws a breath before slowly exhaling, steadying herself to add with sadness and a little guilt “Maybe we both need this time apart, time to heal, to rebuild”  
Sensing her guilt Ric assures her “There’s no shame in that Bernie, you need to do what’s best for you” He reaches out to squeeze her hand “You’re the strongest, most determined couple I know, I have no doubt you will survive this”  
She meets Ric’s gaze, conveys her gratitude with her eyes and a small smile, something she quite often does, no words needed.

 

They decide to get another round in and re-join the others but it’s not long until Bernie, feeling both emotionally and physically tired, decides to finish her drink and say her goodbye’s ready to head home.  
She climbed out of the taxi, fumbled around to pay the driver and headed to the front door. She walked through the door to an empty house, poured herself a drink and slumped down on the sofa, her thoughts drifting to her wife.  
Taking hold of her phone she scrolls down to Serena’s name and presses the call button. It went to voice mail, something she is somewhat glad of as she’s not sure she trusts herself to not break down at hearing her wife’s voice, especially in her overtired and slightly drunken state.  
She left a simple but heartfelt message “Serena, I just want to tell you that I love you and I miss you”  
Even though she didn’t speak to her wife she felt better for saying the words, for knowing that Serena will hear her words. She rested her head back on the sofa, relaxing into the cushions her thoughts returned to her wife and the time spent they’d spent together in France.  
She must’ve drifted off because she was awoken by the sound of a message alert on her phone. Rubbing at her eyes, she sat up with a groan, feeling a little groggy from the effects of the alcohol. She unlocked her phone and saw it was a message from Serena, she opened it and her heart warmed at the words on the screen ‘I love and miss you too x’


	27. Go Ugly Early

A package had arrived from France for Bernie; she opened the box to find a postcard sitting on top of six bottles of olive oil, extra virgin olive oil as Ric would later point out, gifts from Serena for each of her friends and colleagues on AAU.  
Bernie gathered the team at the nurses station and was handing them out when Nina approached, looking down at one of the bottles on the desk she states “That looks like quality olive oil. French or Italian?”  
Bernie is quick to say “French” before informing her “My partner, our consultant, is currently living in the South of France”  
“Lucky him” Nina replies with a friendly smile.  
Bernie wasn’t on the best terms with Nina anyway but she tensed slightly at her words. Not because of her use of the word him, she was used to people making assumptions that her partner was male. No, it was her use of the word lucky; they had to lose their daughter and go through months of pain for Serena to take the sabbatical so lucky wasn’t the word Bernie would use.  
Bernie had to remind herself that Nina doesn’t know any of the pain they went through and tries to remain professional, replying with a tight smile “Yes, _she’s_ certainly living the dream” emphasising the pronoun.  
Ric sensed Bernie’s slight annoyance and steps in to ask Nina “Was there something we could do for you?”  
“I’d like a word” she explains to Ric before turning to Bernie and asking “Ms Wolfe will you join us?”  
Bernie wanted to call her wife, let her know the package had arrived. She made the excuse of wanting to do a patient transfer and telling Nina “If it’s admin related, Ric’s your man”  
Nina tells her sharply “It isn’t” and heads off in the direction of the office, leaving Ric and Bernie to follow behind, slightly perplexed.

 

After skirting around the issue, taking her time to tell Bernie how good a surgeon she is and how well she did with getting the trauma bay up and running, Nina finally came to the point; informing both Ric and Bernie “Holby City’s Trauma Unit has been closed. Permanently”  
Bernie couldn’t believe what she was hearing, her and Serena had worked hard to build the trauma bay into the success it was and she wasn’t about to give it up without a fight.  
It appeared Ric wasn’t going to either. While Bernie stood in stunned silence taking the information in, Ric took the lead, questioning the decision, it soon turned into a heated discussion between the three surgeons. One that was interrupted by Morven bursting into the office to inform them of an incoming trauma patient. Bernie hurried out of the office to get the trauma bay prepared, ignoring Nina’s call to her “We’re not done here” But Bernie was; she had to deal with her first priority, the patient.

 

Once they’d finished the difficult operation on the young soldier, Bernie took the opportunity to call her wife. She sat at her desk anxiously drumming her fingers, hoping that Serena would answer, that she wasn’t too busy; she really just needed to hear her wife’s voice. After five rings Bernie was starting to give up hope but then a bright voice answered “Hello, this is a pleasant surprise”  
Bernie was quiet, marvelled at how Serena had changed over the past few months; how with each conversation they have she seems to be doing that little bit better. Serena started to worry when there was no response “Bernie?”  
“Yeah, sorry…hi” Bernie breathed out a rambling reply.  
Serena could tell her wife was distracted, thought perhaps she was just having a tough day, but knew Bernie would tell her when she was ready.  
“Er your package arrived today. Everyone says thanks, Ric was especially impressed” Bernie tells her, trying her best not to let on something was bothering her but Serena wasn’t buying it.  
“Good” Serena replied with a laugh before hesitantly asking “And you?”  
“Oh yeah I’m sure I’ll enjoy the-”  
Serena cut her off with a firm “No. How are you?” Bernie sighed deeply, rubbed her hand across her forehead, she knew she couldn’t get anything past Serena, she knew her too well.  
Bernie thinks how best to tell her, decides on the direct approach, not like the way Nina told her and Ric “They’re closing the trauma bay”  
“What!? They can’t” Serena was furious “Hanssen actually agreed to this?”  
“Yeah, there just isn’t the funding for it apparently” Bernie tells her regretfully.  
“Oh darling, what…” Serena let out a breath “What are you going to do?”  
“Fight it, I’m not going to give up on something we both worked so hard to create” As Bernie said that she could see Fletch trying to get her attention “Ugh I’ve got to go, sorry for burdening you with this but I just…I needed to hear your voice”  
“I told you when you first started if you ever need a caffeine shot and a chat…” Serena led off and Bernie finished, the smile evident in her voice “…just call you”  
“We may not be able to have coffee together but you can always call me” Serena heard Bernie let out a small contented sigh “Will you call me later? Let me know how you get on?”  
“I will. Thank you” Bernie said sincerely, already feeling slightly better for talking to her wife.  
“You’re very welcome” Bernie heard Serena say before disconnecting the call, she took a quick moment to gather her thoughts before making her way out of the office and over to join Fletch.

 

Once the soldier was out of recovery and back on the ward his girlfriend was allowed to see him. Bernie was updating his file when she approached the bed hesitantly, a definite tension between the two of them.  
Bernie had kept her head down and concentrated on filling in the paperwork but when they’d been dancing around the question of marriage for too long Bernie stepped in to say “Oh for God’s sake ask her” so he did and she said yes.  
Seeing the love they clearly had for each other made Bernie realise just how much she was missing her wife. 

 

Bernie had been to Hanssen’s office where he told her there was nothing he could do about the trauma bay, the decision had been made. He was keen to keep her on in another role but the unflappable CEO became flustered when she demanded to know what role. He wasn’t prepared, didn’t have a position in mind for her and had to look through the vacancies folder, ended up insulting her with menial roles, causing her to walk out of his office.  
She headed straight to the trauma bay where she stood clutching the postcard from her wife, watching as the equipment was wheeled out. In that moment she makes a decision, knows what she has to do, where she needs to be. She went back to her office, picked up her phone and called her wife again.

 

The majority of Holby staff were outside preparing for the fun run, Bernie spotted Ric and made her way over to him “Ric. My wife wanted me to show you this” She handed him the postcard she had been carrying around all day, a picture of a vineyard printed on the front “And get back to us”  
“You’re not sticking around then?” he asked even though he could guess the answer.  
She shakes her head “No, I’m off to the South of France first thing tomorrow”  
“Ah Grape picking with the wife” Ric said with a smile.  
Bernie smiles in response “Charlotte's out there at the moment and I’m hoping to persuade Cameron to join us, so yeah...spend some much needed time with my family before deciding what I want to do”  
“Sounds perfect” he raises the postcard to take another look at the picture “and it certainly looks amazing”  
“Well you can find out for yourself” Ric looks up from the picture to give Bernie a questioning look; she tells him “Serena wants you to come too”  
The sound of the air horn rang out to signal the start of the run. Ric started to jog on but stopped when he noticed Bernie wasn’t joining him, he turned back to ask “You coming?”  
She thought about lying, telling him she’d catch him up. She didn’t like goodbyes, never did, but she had to say goodbye to Ric, it was the least she could do after he’d offered Hanssen his resignation in order to save her job.  
Bernie shook her head with a small smile, telling him softly “This is where I go”  
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” Ric queries in disbelief.  
“Think we’ve had enough goodbye’s this year” Bernie states with a slightly awkward laugh and then telling him sincerely “Don’t forget the offer, we’d love to have you over. Francoise too”  
She places a kiss on his cheek and, with a final smile, turns to make her way back to the hospital, to her office where she gathers her belongings. She was grateful that most of the staff were involved in the fun run so she was able to sneak away unnoticed.


End file.
